Copyright

NewsARSE is a satirical on-line newspaper published by NewsARSE.

NewsARSE uses invented names in all its stories, except in cases where public figures are being satirised, or it’s someone we know and have checked they didn’t mind. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental.

The content of this web-site is © Copyright 2009 NewsARSE, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher.

NewsARSE is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.

If you are aware of any copyright infringement or have any other queries or complaints, please contact us as soon as possible so that we can investigate and, where necessary, correct the problem. You can email the Editor via the contact form below.

Please accept our apologies for any news item which may have caused offence. Unless you are just being overly sensitive about it.

LATEST NEWS HEADLINES

• No ban on racist grandparents, say Government
• Take That star sorry for being caught cheating by The Sun
• Courts rule you must listen to all the rubbish Pink Floyd songs too
• Facebook criticised as man impersonates a girl who pretends to be a man
• Police defend ‘ignore it until it goes away’ crime fighting tactics

ALSO IN THE NEWS

We could tell you, but then we’d have to kill you, say MOD

The Ministry of Defence has been accused of giving “misleading” answers to MPs scrutinising its budget after it told the committee that it could tell them where the money went, but then it would have to kill them.

MORE STORIES

Sugababes urged to resolve name dispute like women, in the ring

• See, you can make good profits without making good shows, says ITV
• John Terry considering offer to become a South African polygamist
• Don’t panic, Only Fools and Horses repeats are perfectly safe, insists Thompson
• Cocaine use on the rise as real life becomes five times worse than ten years ago
• I’ll happily pay tax just as soon as I get my own way on everything, insists Lord Ashcroft
• One medal definitely a success insist British Winter Olympic team

HAVE YOUR SAY

Are Man City going too far offering £50m for the Geordie fan base?

THE LIB DEMS : DOES ANYONE KNOW ANYTHING?

Is knowing they are the yellow ones really enough?

OK, THESE MIGHT NOT BE HEADLINES ANY MORE

• France surrenders to advancing storm front
• Teenage boys delighted with current levels of media sexualisation
• Fans panic as Bridge retirement puts Neville one place closer to recall
• Tragedy as killer whale does exactly what it says on the tin
• Men everywhere dusting off old Cheryl Cole fantasies
• India arrests Britons for having embarrassingly dull hobby