‘We shouldn’t be too much longer’ promise porn-site researchers

Researchers have claimed that they may have to continue investigating whether porn sites put visitors at risk from malicious software for ‘just a little while longer’ before reaching a satisfactory conclusion.

Steve Jobs unveils reasons why your iPhone is already rubbish

Apple CEO Steve Jobs has unveiled a series of reasons why your existing iPhone is now disappointingly obsolete, and why you should immediately spend £400 on the new iPhone 4.0.

Playing Pac Man significantly less tedious than your job, finds study

A study of Internet usage has discovered that playing Google’s free Pac-Man game is significantly more interesting than spending time on the tedious and mundane way in which you make your mediocre living.

This is not a panic meeting, insists screaming Facebook executive

Teary-eyed and wobbly-voiced Facebook executives have been quick to dismiss rumours that its latest company-wide meeting is a panic measure following significant criticism of changes to its privacy policy.

Doncaster man found guilty of Twitter tedium threat

A Doncaster man has been found guilty of sending a ‘tedious electronic communication’ and fined £1000 for posting messages describing his monotonous dilemma over his lunchtime eating habits on the social networking site, Twitter.

John Higgins accused of making Snooker sound interesting

World number one John Higgins has been suspended from all future tournaments after reportedly making the sport remotely interesting by agreeing to take a £261,000 bribe to lose frames.

New iPhone prototype drunkenly left in a bar - what do you think?

The next version of the iPhone, the iPhone 4G, has been found in an American bar after an Apple employee got off his tits and left it behind before heading off to find a late night kebab house.

‘kin Microsoft launches new Kin phone for ‘kin kids

Microsoft has launched a ‘kin new phone called the Kin aimed at ‘kin younger users and geared towards ‘kin social networking.

Millions of Welsh viewers set for massive Channel 5 disappointment

As Wales becomes the first part of the country to complete its digital television switch over, millions of homes are set for their first extremely disappointing exposure to Channel 5.

Facebook criticised as man impersonates a girl who pretends to be a man

Social networking website Facebook has come in for stiff criticism after a 45 year-old man, working for the Daily Mail, used the site to pretend to be a 14 year-old girl who in turn was impersonating a 45 year-old man.

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LATEST NEWS HEADLINES

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BP’s Tony Hayward seeking new scapegoat opportunities

Professional scapegoat and current BP chief executive Tony Hayward is expected to stand down this week, and is said to be looking for new opportunities to which he can bring his own unique brand of scapegoat expertise.

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HAVE YOUR SAY

Is Man Utd goal scorer Own Goal really worth £85m to Real Madrid?

HOMEOPATHY FINALLY PROVEN TO WORK

“This is the proof that that everyone is asking for. They took the sleeping pills, and just a day and half later they simply could not stay awake any longer.”

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