Redknapp claims Gordon Brown can win next election

Tottenham Hotspur manager Harry Redknapp has stunned the political world by admitting in an interview that he believed Gordon Brown could win the next general election.

Liverpool fans draw lots to see who will rob Joe Cole’s house

Liverpool fans have celebrated the signing of England’s Joe Cole by drawing lots to see who will be the first lucky person to rob his house during an away game.

FIFA world ranking formula interests UK Government

The UK government has approached FIFA to borrow the mathematical formula used to calculate world rankings, after it proved England have got better despite a series of woefully inadequate results at the recent World cup.

Howard Webb learns the Dutch for ‘fatherless pig-dog’

After last night’s extra-time World Cup win for Spain, English referee Howard Webb was given an intensive eleven-to-one tutorial in quality Dutch swearing by losing finalists, the Netherlands.

Being good at football made Rooney bad at football, claims Ferguson

Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson has claimed that the reason Wayne Rooney performed so badly at the World Cup is because being so good at football meant people expected him to be good at football.

Success for Ronaldo in self-insemination experiment

Portuguese football ace Cristiano Ronaldo has become the proud father of a baby boy in what scientists are hailing as the first recorded self-insemination birth by a human male.

Immigration cap to curb Man City spending at under fifty billion

The government today admitted that its recently announced immigration cap may limit Manchester City’s summer spending to a measly fifty billion pounds on 24,000 foreign footballers.

Venus Williams in shock defeat to a woman

Former Wimbledon champion Venus Williams has suffered a shock quarter-final defeat at this years event, at the hands of Tsvetana Pironkova, a confirmed woman.

Jeremy Kyle desperate to meet Calum Davenport and family

Moron-bater Jeremy Kyle has told ITV executives that he is extremely keen to meet Calum Davenport and his family after admitting their story left him with a ‘bit of a chub on’.

Uruguayan ref insists Carlisle has not crossed line into England

Uruguayan referee Jorge Larrionda has this morning controversially insisted that Carlisle is actually still part of Scotland, after pointing out that at no stage did he see the Cumbrian town cross the line into England.

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