Man City spending criticised as value of crazy money plummets to record low

Cash-happy Premier League football club Manchester City have hit back at criticism after it was revealed that their summer spending equates to just 36% of all Premier League spending, despite the value of English football currency - crazy money - falling significantly.

Cricket to remain dull despite betting scandal, insists ICC

The International Cricket Council has moved swiftly to reassure fans of watching men stand around doing little to nothing for long periods of time, that the sport will continue to be excruciatingly dull, despite recent media attempts to make it sound a little bit interesting.

Emile Heskey to receive lifetime achievement award for services to barn door protection

Aston Villa centre-forward Emile Heskey is set to receive a lifetime achievement award for a career spent refusing to harm barn doors in any way, shape or form.

World Cup bid ‘unbeatable’, says man who won election by coming last

England’s World Cup 2018 bid team have scheduled an emergency briefing for Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg in order to explain the concept of winning and losing, after he claimed their bid was ‘unbeatable’ thinking it was much like a general election.

Tiger Woods inundated by desperate wingman applications

Newly-divorced Tiger Woods has been inundated with millions of applications to be his wingman from men desperate to pick up one or two of the many, many vaginas to be thrown in his general direction.

Liverpool manager Roy Hodgson frantically searching for Joe Cole receipt

After Joe Cole added a missed penalty to his red card and court appearance from his first few weeks as a Liverpool player, manager Roy Hodgson has begun frantically looking for his receipt and the details of Chelsea’s returns policy.

Nicolas Anelka announces 18 game International strike

Footballer Nicolas Anelka has responded to the French Football Federation’s 18 game ban from the national team by announcing that he will actually be on strike for the next 18 national team matches.

Next scapegoat will be English, pledges Football Association

The English Football Association has confirmed that the next scapegoat to take the blame for the poor performance of a bunch of vastly overrated millionaires linked only by a tenuous geographic anomaly, will definitely be English.

Flintoff still has role to play this season, insist breweries

News that Andrew Flintoff’s latest comeback from a long standing hangover has been delayed once again, has been met with huge disappointment from licensed victuallers around the country.

Beckham to plead with Capello for more time away from Victoria

After Fabio Capello’s admission that he considers David Beckham ‘too old’ for his squad, the veteran midfielder has pleaded with the England manager to give him just a little more time away from his wife Victoria.

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HAVE YOUR SAY

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