Nation left wondering how Beckham felt about Manchester return

The nation’s sports fans have been left to wonder why nobody in the sports news industry thought to speculate upon, or even ask David Beckham how he felt about his return to Manchester United.
Last nights match was his first appearance at old Trafford since his summer 2003 departure to Real Madrid, a fact that has [...]

John Terry considering offer to become a South African polygamist

John Terry is this morning considering an offer from South African President Jacob Zuma to become a South African polygamist, after learning that President Zuma is welcomed all over the world despite having five wives and twenty children.

One medal definitely a success insist British Winter Olympic team

The British winter Olympic team has claimed the Vancouver event was a success after improving its medal haul to one gold from one silver at the event in Turin four years ago.

Fans panic as Bridge retirement puts Neville one place closer to recall

England supporters were last night panicking after Wayne Bridge’s international retirement moved Phil Neville up one place in the pecking order for a left-back berth at the World Cup.

Premier League to introduce ‘fairest’ Champions League qualification system

The Premier League is considering introducing a new ‘rock, paper, scissors’ system to determine the fourth club to qualify for the next season’s European Champions League.

No more competition winners in goal, declares Wenger

After last night’s 2-1 Champions League defeat by Porto, Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has declared that he will no longer field lucky competition winners in goal during Europe’s premier club competition.

Team GB protests at exclusion of ‘Hill slide on Carrier Bag’ from Winter Olympics

The British Winter Olympic team have today submitted a formal complaint to the organisers of the Vancouver event over the continued exclusion of traditional British winter sport, the hill slide on a carrier bag.

Scientists discover new energy source by harnessing Neil Warnock’s righteous indignation

Scientists last night hailed a major breakthrough in the search for unlimited clean energy after an experiment to harness the energy emitted by Crystal Palace manager Neil Warnock’s righteous indignation.

Real Madrid to offer record £85 million for Man Utd striker ‘Own Goal’

Real Madrid have today risked the wrath of Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson by planning an audacious world record bid for prolific Manchester United striker “Own Goal”.

All footballers given time off to protect partners from John Terry

The nation’s footballers have been given this weekend off so they can spend every waking moment protecting their loved ones, after it was announced that Chelsea captain John Terry is taking a ‘few days off’ from his own footballing duties.

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• Nation left wondering how Beckham felt about Manchester return
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John Terry considering offer to become a South African polygamist

John Terry is this morning considering an offer from South African President Jacob Zuma to become a South African polygamist, after learning that President Zuma is welcomed all over the world despite having five wives and twenty children.

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• One medal definitely a success insist British Winter Olympic team
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• Fans panic as Bridge retirement puts Neville one place closer to recall

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