Latest Science Headlines

Professor Hawking claims God wasn’t needed for creation, what do you think?

“Look, I’ve made an entire career out of standing around looking busy whilst not directly contributing to anything in any way whatsoever, so I don’t see why God couldn’t have been doing exactly the same thing.”

‘Artificial life’ already has eight GCSEs, say scientists

Scientists in the US who succeeded in developing the first synthetic living cell have reported that it already appears to have attained eight GCSE’s at grade C or above.

All alien messages should be sent from Basingstoke, warns Stephen Hawking

If the human race is to continue its attempts to contact potentially resource-hungry aliens, it should ensure all messages emanate from Basingstoke, Professor Stephen Hawking has warned.

Bullshit merchants drop libel case against man who pointed out bullshit

The British Chiropractic Association has dropped its libel action against the science writer Simon Singh after courts ruled that pointing out ‘complete bullshit’ is actually ‘complete bullshit’ should be considered ‘fair comment’.

Obama points NASA at new desolate inhospitable wasteland, near Dundee

President Barack Obama has cancelled the American project designed to take humans back to the Moon, claiming there are still plenty of desolate inhospitable wastelands to explore closer to home.

Female Neanderthals dressed like Barbara Cartland, say scientists

Scientists claim to have the first persuasive evidence that Neanderthal women wore Barbara Cartland style make-up in order to attract the men folk of the day, almost 50,000 years ago.

Scientists also fail to find evidence of the clitoris

Scientists who recently disproved the existence of the G-spot in women have now gone a step further and refuted the existence of the female clitoris.

Sick horses demand rodent equality in experimental medical trials

Representatives of the horses alliance have today petitioned scientists for its members to be allowed into the latest medical trials, citing clear bias in favour of rodents in experimental medicine to date.

Large Hadron Collider to ensure Gordon Brown retires undefeated

As the Large Hadron Collider prepares to once again threaten your very existence, Gordon Brown is celebrating the fact that he will be instantly vaporised without losing an election.

Water on Moon already ‘better than in Spanish hotels’

NASA’s experiment last month which discovered water on the Moon has shown it is already of a better quality than you’d get from a tap in any Spanish hotel, US scientists have announced.

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KEITH LEMON

Latest Science Headlines

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