Latest Science Headlines

Obama points NASA at new desolate inhospitable wasteland, near Dundee

President Barack Obama has cancelled the American project designed to take humans back to the Moon, claiming there are still plenty of desolate inhospitable wastelands to explore closer to home.

Female Neanderthals dressed like Barbara Cartland, say scientists

Scientists claim to have the first persuasive evidence that Neanderthal women wore Barbara Cartland style make-up in order to attract the men folk of the day, almost 50,000 years ago.

Scientists also fail to find evidence of the clitoris

Scientists who recently disproved the existence of the G-spot in women have now gone a step further and refuted the existence of the female clitoris.

Sick horses demand rodent equality in experimental medical trials

Representatives of the horses alliance have today petitioned scientists for its members to be allowed into the latest medical trials, citing clear bias in favour of rodents in experimental medicine to date.

Large Hadron Collider to ensure Gordon Brown retires undefeated

As the Large Hadron Collider prepares to once again threaten your very existence, Gordon Brown is celebrating the fact that he will be instantly vaporised without losing an election.

Water on Moon already ‘better than in Spanish hotels’

NASA’s experiment last month which discovered water on the Moon has shown it is already of a better quality than you’d get from a tap in any Spanish hotel, US scientists have announced.

Women encouraged to marry old and stupid men

Research has shown that men should marry women at least five years younger, and not quite as stupid as themselves to ensure a less than miserable home life.

NASA set to lose no-claims bonus after moon collision

NASA is set lose its no-claims bonus after deliberately crashing two unmanned spacecraft into the Moon in a bid to detect the presence of something other than grey dust.

Conspiracy theorists celebrate 40 year anniversary of fake moon landing

The world’s conspiracy theorists are celebrating today as the 40th anniversary of the first person to claim the moon landings were nothing more than an elaborate ruse.

Scientists discover thoroughly pointless new element

Scientists have discovered a “super-heavy” element 112 - called Ununbium - which will be added to the periodic table despite it serving no apparent purpose whatsoever.

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Latest Science Headlines

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