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Of course I’m a commercial fisherman, claims everyone in Louisiana

Of course I’m a commercial fisherman, claims everyone in Louisiana thumbnail

BP last night suggested there may be a few fraudulent claims to their $20bn compensation fund, after every man woman and child in Louisiana claimed to be a commercial fisherman affected by the Mexican gulf oil spill.




Charcoal briquette crisis grips London as BP garages remain closed

Charcoal briquette crisis grips London as BP garages remain closed thumbnail

Residents of London were left wondering where their next barbecue was coming from after Greenpeace activists forced the closure of fifty BP garages across the capital.




No-one in north west appears to own a hosepipe, admits water company

No-one in north west appears to own a hosepipe, admits water company thumbnail

After announcing a hosepipe ban in the north west of England beginning Friday morning, water company United Utilities have admitted that initial investigations show that nobody in that region has ever owned, or had need to use, a hosepipe.




US politicians accuse BP CEO of behaving like a US politician

US politicians accuse BP CEO of behaving like a US politician thumbnail

BP chief executive Tony Hayward has been told by angry US politicians that the way he responded to their questions about the Gulf of Mexico oil spill made him sound like a well-trained US politician.




Obama would sack BP boss - what do you think?

Obama would sack BP boss - what do you think? thumbnail

“I fire people all the time, and let me tell you it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Once the adrenalin dissipates and my erection subsides, all that’s left is a massive gaping void where my soul should be.”




BP to plug oil leak with tonnes of PR bullshit

BP to plug oil leak with tonnes of PR bullshit thumbnail

Oil company BP is to take the unprecedented step of trying to plug its Gulf of Mexico oil spill using the tonnes of PR bullshit normally reserved for fertilising shareholders bank accounts.




Fewer UK beaches covered in your excrement, finds survey

Fewer UK beaches covered in your excrement, finds survey thumbnail

A survey by The Marine Conservation Society has found that fewer UK beaches are likely to see you lounging around in human faeces than at any point since 2006.




Iceland’s volcanic ‘Act of God’ into tedious third act

Iceland’s volcanic ‘Act of God’ into tedious third act thumbnail

Icelandic volcano Eyjafjallajokull today entered it’s tedious third act with many viewers hoping for an exciting climax to what has so far proven to be an entirely underwhelming Act of God.




Most Copenhagen delegates not that bothered about Tuvalu

Most Copenhagen delegates not that bothered about Tuvalu thumbnail

A major split has emerged at the UN climate talks in Copenhagen, after island nation Tuvalu pushed for tighter emissions restrictions whilst developed countries insisted they’d quite like to keep their really big televisions and Range Rovers.




Footballing dolphins displaying signs of organised hooliganism

Footballing dolphins displaying signs of organised hooliganism thumbnail

A marine survey team off the north Wales coast that discovered football-playing dolphins, say that levels of post-match hooliganism suggest the dolphins are much more organised than first thought.




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If you need to use a train then it’s ‘peak time’, clarify rail firms thumbnail If you need to use a train then it’s ‘peak time’, clarify rail firms

Responding to claims that their peak-fare rules are unfair and confusing, train companies have explained that peak time is limited only to the times at which you want to use a train.

MORE STORIES

Survey finds public wants cold-callers banned, what do you think? thumbnail Survey finds public wants cold-callers banned, what do you think?

HAVE YOUR SAY

HAVE YOUR SAY Is Man Utd goal scorer Own Goal really worth £85m to Real Madrid?

HOMEOPATHY FINALLY PROVEN TO WORK

HOMEOPATHY FINALLY PROVEN TO WORK “This is the proof that that everyone is asking for. They took the sleeping pills, and just a day and half later they simply could not stay awake any longer.”

OK, THESE MIGHT NOT BE HEADLINES ANY MORE

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