Ben Collins to be famous for approximately eight minutes

After being revealed as the man behind Top Gears’ The Stig, former Formula Three racing driver Ben Collins is preparing for his eight minutes of fame before everyone realises they actually couldn’t care less who he is.

Please, please don’t blow up Big Brother house, nation tells Al Qaeda

According to middle-east television channel Al Jazeera, terrorist organisation Al Qaeda has been sent thousands of anonymous letters and information packages outlining in great detail the easiest way to blow up the Big Brother house.

Chilean miners happy to stay underground until ‘X Factor is over’

The 33 miners trapped underground in Chile have asked rescue workers to take their time digging them out as they are in no hurry to return to the surface whilst the current series of the X Factor is ongoing.

BBC weatherman apologises for obscenely inaccurate forecast

BBC weatherman Tomasz Schafernaker has been forced to apologise after he was caught making an obscenely inaccurate weather forecast live on air during a BBC News channel broadcast.

Hitler enthusiasts celebrate new channel Five investment

Hitler enthusiasts were in jubilant mood today after it was announced plans to invest £1.5bn in channel Five for programming over the next five years will mean a considerable improvement in documentaries featuring the popular dictator.

Rod Stewart’s testicles ‘no closer to retirement’

After the Government relaxed the rules on the compulsory retirement age, Rod Stewart’s testicles have wasted no time in showing the world what a thoroughly disappointing amount of 65 year-old ejaculate is actually capable of.

Lily Allen is pregnant, what do you think?

“That’s wonderful news for her. Now, if only the government could rush through some sort of compulsory maternity leave for all pop stars, of say, 18 years, that would be just perfect.”

Chris Evans loses 1m listeners after 1m listen to Chris Evans

Chris Evans’ BBC Radio 2 breakfast show has lost just over one million listeners in the past three months, after just over one million listeners finally noticed they were actually listening to Chris Evans.

Crozier begins search for idiots willing to pay for ITV4

After announcing a move to Sky’s pay per view platform, ITV Chief Executive Adam Crozier has today begun a lengthy search for anyone stupid enough to pay real cash money in order to watch ITV4 in high definition.

X Factor winner Joe McElderry outed as a ‘Geordie’

Following weeks of significant tabloid speculation, X Factor winner Joe McElderry has issued a statement confirming the suspicions of millions of television viewers, by announcing that that he is a ‘Geordie’.

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HAVE YOUR SAY

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