Latest Education Headlines

A-Levels is not getting more simpler, insist A* pupils

Pupils and teachers have reacted angrily to suggestions that A-Levels are getting easier after pupils scored record-breaking results for the 28th year in a row.

Toddlers blast government over continuing free milk policy

The UK’s toddlers and pre-schoolers have reacted with furious tantrums at the government U-turn which means that they will have to carry on drinking ‘yucky’ milk for the foreseeable future.

Shut up! We know loads about doin’ it, insists NUT

An Ofsted report which claims that teacher embarrassment and lack of knowledge is to blame for the poor standard of sex education in English schools has been refuted by teacher’s union the NUT, who insist its members are brilliant at sex and know loads about it.

Graduates to be given another reason to bitch and moan

The nation’s graduates are preparing a whole new raft of whiny complaints after business secretary Vince Cable suggested that a graduate tax might be used to pay for University fees.

Employers selfishly insisting on actual qualifications

A recent survey of graduate recruiters has shown that selfish employers are continuing to insist on actual qualifications, whilst instantly dismissing those graduates who studied media, art history, or interpretive dance.

I’ll run the best school ever - until my child leaves, confirm parents

Parents across the country have reacted positively to the Government’s plans to let them run their own schools, claiming they will run the best school this country has ever seen, right up until the point that their child leaves, when they will probably lose interest.

Universities still full of poor people, says Minister

The university system is still so full of poor people that it is in need of “radical change” to eliminate this burden on the tax payer, the universities minister David Willetts has told reporters.

Get tested for Chlamydia after every cheap alcohol promotion, researchers tell students

Following a study of UK students, researchers who don’t have sex very often have suggested women should take a Chlamydia test after every new sexual partner, putting significant pressure on sexual health clinics within walking distance of most Universities.

Teachers absolutely loving new culture of ‘competitive’ gift giving

A new report has shown that giving presents to teachers is becoming increasingly commercialised and competitive, leaving every teacher in the country absolutely delighted with the situation.

Letting teenagers lie-in makes school mornings more pleasant

A school that has allowed its pupils to start the day an hour later at 10am says it has seen an improvement in how pleasant the school is for everybody else at 9am.

SPANK ME

KEITH LEMON

Latest Education Headlines

NewsARSE © 2008-2010