News by Jeff Nicols

Terrorists ’sick of being treated like photographers’

Terrorist organisations have hit out at the police crackdown on citizen journalism which has led to radical extremists across the country being treated like common photographers.

Shoppers too stupid to buy actual food, say consumer groups

Advocates for healthy eating have hit out at Government’s decision to disband the Food Standards Agency, insisting that consumers will be forced to make terrible decisions about what food to buy without the help of traffic lights on the packaging or similar idiot-proof systems.

Church of England to recall thousands of vicars

The Church of England is recalling at least four thousand of vicars over concerns of faulty baptisms performed by those men of God released since June 2005.

Train man moves right the way down inside the carriage

A rush-hour rail passenger this week made his way down into the middle of an otherwise packed train to allow fellow commuters to board, Newsarse has learned.

Gordon Brown challenges mother to televised spelling bee

The Prime Minister has challenged the grieving mother of a soldier killed in Afghanistan to a US-style televised spelling bee in response to criticism he received after spelling her name incorrectly in a letter of condolence.

Catholic church retaliates for crucifix ban by outlawing Italian paraphernalia

In response to an EU ruling banning crosses from Italy’s schools, the Catholic church has taken steps to ban all Italian influences from its teachings and practises.

Gas and electric smart meters to include GPS functionality

Gas and electricity customers using new smart meters are in for a treat, says British Gas.
From 2010, not only will new meters allow customers to see how much energy they are using, but the new software upgrade will incorporate a built-in GPS unit.
Doubling Estimates
A spokesman for the utility giant said: “This service offers a [...]

Sweatshops Thrive As Economic Downturn Bites

Buyers are turning their backs on ethical choices as the pennywise consumers go in search of bargains, experts said today.
“We are seeing an increasing amount of people who are standing up for their right to a good deal,” said out-of-work banker Bridagier Sir Rupert Something-Posh.
“Not everyone has a £700,000 pension to fall back on these [...]

Beatles ‘More Popular Than Jesus’ Again

Falling church attendances and the digital distribution of music means that the Fab Four are once again “more popular than Jesus”.
The original comment, uttered by John Lennon in 1966 at the height of the group’s success, sparked outrage in the bible belt of the southern United States, a country in which he was shot to [...]

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News by Jeff Nicols

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