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Latest opinion polls show drop in support for opinion polls

The latest series of opinion polls released today show a significant fall in the popularity of opinion polls, with support for opinion polls down 7% on a series of opinion polls taken just minutes earlier.

UN disaster response team heads to UK

A specialist Disaster Response team is flying into the UK today, as British Government departments struggle to cope with an impending inflation-based financial disaster.

EXCLUSIVE: Labour back benchers’ letter in full

NewsARSE has exclusively obtained a copy of the email currently circulating among Labour backbenchers, imploring Prime Minister Gordon Brown to stand down.
“Dear Gordon,”
“Over the course of your ten years as the New Labour Chancellor you systematically destroyed our gold reserves, increased debt to unheard-of levels, taxed Middle England into penury and presided over the complete [...]

Gordon Brown accused in further financial scandal

Gordon Brown was fighting for his political life today, after becoming embroiled in another scandal around financial irregularities.
With support already plummeting nationwide following the recent expenses revelations, the Mr Brown was today at the centre of another scandal involving unearned payments.
The Public Accounts Committee has launched an investigation into Mr Brown’s office, following allegations that [...]

Hawking comfortable after application of Norton patch

Legendary cosmologist and author Professor Stephen Hawking is reported to be ‘comfortable’ after previous concerns about his health led to him being rushed to hospital.
Professor Hawking, who is Lucasian Professor of Mathematics at Cambridge University and the author of A Brief History of Time’, is to remain in hospital for a few days.
Hawking has been [...]

Jack Tweed sullies the memory of Brave Jade with prison fling

Brave Jade Goody’s widower Jack Tweed is said to be dishonouring her memory by engaging in a prison romance just hours after being incarcerated.
Tweed, 21, was jailed on Tuesday for 12 weeks following his conviction for a brutal assault on a cab driver.
However, prison sources have revealed that Tweed has found solace in the arms [...]

It is still definitely OK to suck dicks, say Doctors

Whilst scouring the planet for new and exciting carcinogens, scientists have disappointingly discovered that oral sex can cause throat cancer.
American researchers have found that the HPV virus - the cause of the majority of cervical cancers - can be transmitted via cunnilingus, and reportedly creates a higher risk of throat cancers than the traditional [...]

BT launches new way to disappoint broadband customers

Telecoms giant BT have announced the first locations where substantial numbers of customers will have access to unreliable fibre-based super-fast broadband via the firm’s network.
Areas of Belfast, Cardiff, Edinburgh, Glasgow, London and Manchester will be among the first locations, bringing new ways of losing Internet access to approximately 500,000 homes and businesses.
Newsarse spoke to [...]

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