Blair to receive US peace medal for not declaring war on everyone, everywhere

Former UK Prime Minister Tony Blair is to receive a prestigious US medal and $100,000 prize for restricting himself to starting wars in countries where the oil reserves made it an absolute no-brainer.

The National Constitution Centre is awarding him its Liberty Medal for “steadfast” efforts in not declaring war on everyone, everywhere, all of the time.

A spokesperson explained, “As Prime Minister it would have been really easy to start a war with every country he ever encountered, yet here we are years later and the UK is only involved in a couple of borderline illegal conflicts.”

“Which as far as America is concerned makes him pretty much the human embodiment of peace itself.”

“We admire people who can meet other people, especially foreigners, and not immediately succumb to the desire to blow them all the hell.”

“Especially when you have a button right there on your desk for just that purpose.”

Award

Organisers have said they are overlooking the Iraq war because that particular conflict was absolutely necessary in ensuring that they didn’t have to trade in their land cruisers for a tiny Prius.

The spokesperson continued, “We don’t count Iraq because we tend not to count the wars that we absolutely approve of.”

“As far as we’re concerned the true war-mongers are the people who start conflicts where there is no obvious financial or resource gain to be had.”

“Mr Blair is a prime example of limiting yourself to starting military conflicts where there is a clear financial benefit for doing so.”

“And for that, we salute you, sir.”

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