Report insists you can still have fun on half a Fosters

A government report has suggested that a reduction in the drink-drive limit would create safer roads whilst not affecting those people who can have a great night out on half a lager and a packet of pork scratchings.

Recommending that the legal limit for drink driving should fall from 80mg of alcohol per 100ml of blood to a small glass of antipodean piss water, Sir Peter North suggested that in future the Government might want to cut the limit to a quarter pint of shandy.

Sir Peter explained, “People need to understand that we’re not suggesting a total ban on alcohol and driving, we’re not complete barbarians.”

“We still want people to be able to drink responsibly and enjoy an embarrassingly small beverage before driving home.  We are confident you can still have a great night on half a cooking lager or two mouthfuls of wine - assuming you have an average sized mouth of course.”

Rules

Driving organisations have insisted that they would rather endure a complete ban, than see their members forced into ordering half pints of anything.

“This is just further proof, if it was even needed, that the government hates drivers.  They tax us up to the eyeballs, and now they want to embarrass us in the nation’s pubs.  You don’t see them pushing for a ban on drink-horse riding, do you?”

However Dave Harvey, 29 a driver from Luton said he didn’t mind the new suggested limits, “I’m sure this move is being suggested for all the right reasons, which is probably loads of deaths caused by people that were under the old drink drive limit, but over the new suggested one, right?  Oh.”

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