Facebook introduces new ‘pinky swear’ privacy level

Social network Facebook has moved to address the privacy fears of its users by introducing a new ‘pinky swear’ security setting which ensures it will not let third party organisations know what you look like in a bikini.

The move comes after users complained that the privacy settings were more difficult to navigate than a path through a Weight Watchers meeting with a tray full of cream cakes.

Facebook Chief Executive Mark Zuckerberg told reporters, “The new pinky swear setting will be familiar to anyone who ever made a promise as a child.”

“We are pinky-swearing that your information is safe and secure and can not be seen by anyone who might want to sell you something, or just find out if you’re still as attractive as you were at school.”

“There are of course exceptions where we reserve the right to cross our fingers behind our backs before making the pinky swear, but the full details are in the fine print if you look hard enough.”

Customers

Though recognised as a move in the right direction, many users say the new settings do not go far enough.

One user told us, “How fucking difficult is it.  Just stop telling everyone everything about me, all of the fucking time.”

“When I do something in real life, which tends to happen occasionally, I like to choose who I’d like to share that with, not start with the assumption that absolutely everyone on the Internet should know and work backwards from that.  I’m not Katie Price for fucks sake.”

“As for the ‘pinky swear’, that’s not worth anything at all.  I pinky swore I wouldn’t do anything with ‘those’ pictures I took of my last girlfriend, and now everyone south of Watford has seen them.”

SEA, SUN & FUN

PLACES TO GET YOUR NEWSARSE FIX

RELATED STORIES

• Security experts warn that stuff you put on the Internet is on the Internet
• This is not a panic meeting, insists screaming Facebook executive
• Facebook panic button ‘not for frustrated Farmville players’
• Facebook criticised as man impersonates a girl who pretends to be a man
• Google Buzz to keep social media professionals in work for further 12 months

LATEST NEWS HEADLINES

• Pastor Terry Jones to burn effigy of Muslim burning effigy of Terry Jones
• Rooney fit to face Swiss prostitutes, confirms Capello
• Nadine Coyle set to become Tesco Value popstar
• Study finds a Frenchman apparently doing some work
• Alcohol sales are down because we’ve moved onto the cheap stuff, insist drinkers

ALSO IN THE NEWS

Barbara Windsor secures role in Miliband soap opera

After Labour leadership candidate Ed Balls likened the daily battles between Ed and David Miliband to an ongoing soap opera, Barbara Windsor announced that she has been hired to play the ageing matriarch with an iron fist at the head of the Miliband family.

MORE STORIES

Cricket to remain dull despite betting scandal, insists ICC

• Emile Heskey to receive lifetime achievement award for services to barn door protection
• NHS urged to put obesity clinics on top of a hill
• If you need to use a train then it’s ‘peak time’, clarify rail firms
• Survey finds public wants cold-callers banned, what do you think?
• ‘Laa Laa Cactus The Lizard Cameron’ sounds much better, say Big Society
• Budget affects poorest the most, what do you think?

HAVE YOUR SAY

Is Man Utd goal scorer Own Goal really worth £85m to Real Madrid?

HOMEOPATHY FINALLY PROVEN TO WORK

“This is the proof that that everyone is asking for. They took the sleeping pills, and just a day and half later they simply could not stay awake any longer.”

OK, THESE MIGHT NOT BE HEADLINES ANY MORE

• Please, please don’t blow up Big Brother house, nation tells Al Qaeda
• Seekers of mind-blowing unprotected sex facing postcode lottery
• Cat in a bin woman worse than Hitler, claim utter lunatics
• World Cup bid ‘unbeatable’, says man who won election by coming last
• Fox vows to withdraw non-existent British troops from made-up video game
• Tiger Woods inundated by desperate wingman applications