Sony music executives finally get round to listening to Jedward sing

Jedward have been released from their recording contract by Sony after senior executives finally found five minutes to listen to the single recorded by the spunk-haired Irish duo.

A Sony insider told us. “It was all kind of embarrassing. They put their single on and Louis Walsh began jumping around like an amphetamine-enhanced Leprechaun.”

“There were lots of blank faces, a few people shuddered, before someone finally asked if it was a joke. The boys stopped doing their robotics as Louis explained that it most certainly was not a joke, but within ninety seconds they were all on the pavement with a box containing their personal belongings.”

“It was a bit like one of those motorway smashes that you hear about. It all seemed to happen in slow motion, but in reality was over very quickly indeed.”

Good news

Although a set-back, the management teams around Jedward have explained that it is merely a bump on the long road to the upper echelons of musical superstardom.

The twins’ manager Louis Walsh has already confirmed that executives at Universal are too busy to actually listen to their artists sing and are therefore happy to offer the duo a new recording contract.

“I’m delighted Universal have seen through the distinct lack of musical ability, because as everyone knows, talent is completely superfluous when building a career in the modern music industry.”

“What’s important is that they give us some more money, and that they never, ever listen to anything that comes out of the recording studio.”

The twin that usually stands on the left told reporters, “This is like a dream come true, that then became a nightmare come true, but then became a dream come true again. I can’t put it more clearly than that.”

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