UK spoof news and satire
NEWSARSE ARCHIVES
Authors
Page added on February 23, 2010
The latest series of opinion polls released today show a significant fall in the popularity of opinion polls, with support for opinion polls down 7% on a series of opinion polls taken just minutes earlier.
In a joint series of polls conducted, as always, by ICM, MORI and YouGov, the pollsters polled a random selection of 3000 voters, with the results weighted by how often they had been called by pollsters for their opinions in the previous 48 hours.
Support for opinion polls, which previously polled at an average of 43% across the pollsters, polled at 37% in the three polls polled at 22:00 last night, a swing of 7% on average against the previous polling which was polled at 21:58.
There was a significant increase to 55% of support for, “fuck off and stop fucking polling me”, which could be indicative of a drop in support for polls when combined with the prior polling information, and the polled drop in support for polls weighted against the polls taken 14 minutes previously.
Predictions
Pundits have predicted that polling will indicate a drop for “alright, I’ll answer your questions if you’ll promise never to phone me again” when the latest set of poll results are returned.
However, the current polls seem to indicate an increase in support for reduced polling, with one frequently polled member of the public asking, “Is there any danger you could do just the one poll, so that the polling figures actually make sense rather than blur into one single endless, eternal and pointless poll for polling’s sake?”
Pollsters have urged pundits not to draw conclusions from the polling, but added that the latest ComRes and Angus Reid polls for the period 10:25-10:30 today would draw a clearer picture of support for polling in the polls.
ARTICLES & NEWS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED
Water found on Moon
And it is already significantly better than found in Spanish hotels
Dubai Financial Collapse
Lidl to open first Dubai supermarket for destitute Arabs
New EU Presidency
I never wanted the job anyway, Blair tells everyone
PLACES TO GET YOUR NEWSARSE FIX
![]() |
![]() |
|
|
RELATED STORIES
LATEST NEWS HEADLINES
ALSO IN THE NEWS
BP’s Tony Hayward seeking new scapegoat opportunitiesProfessional scapegoat and current BP chief executive Tony Hayward is expected to stand down this week, and is said to be looking for new opportunities to which he can bring his own unique brand of scapegoat expertise.
MORE STORIES
Queen barred from BNP garden partyHAVE YOUR SAY
Is Man Utd goal scorer Own Goal really worth £85m to Real Madrid?HOMEOPATHY FINALLY PROVEN TO WORK
“This is the proof that that everyone is asking for. They took the sleeping pills, and just a day and half later they simply could not stay awake any longer.”OK, THESE MIGHT NOT BE HEADLINES ANY MORE