BMW to recall 3 series amid reports of faults causing owners to drive like dicks

BMW this morning announced a recall of all 3 Series models from the last seven years, amid reports that owners are being forced to drive like dicks for reasons not yet ascertained.

The news is likely to affect hundreds of thousands of mid level executives, who will be forced to act like a human being on their daily commute to and from the office.

A BMW safety spokesperson explained, “We have had several thousand reports from other road users that there seems to be a significant blind spot in the 3 series, with the driver unable to see other cars that are either in front, at the side, or behind them.”

“Obviously the 3 series drivers are completely unaware of this, as they’ve not reported - but the blind spot probably just makes it appear as if the roads are empty and for their sole use alone.”

Safety

Reports of erratic performance of the 3 series is affecting all parts of the UK, with major motorways and trunk roads seemingly the worst hit.

One road user explained.  “Each morning there’s at least one 3 series driver who pulls out at the junction on the A45 - regardless of what traffic is coming - forcing other drivers to take evasive action.”

“I normally scream ‘you fucking wanker’ or something equally abusive, but I do feel a bit guilty following this announcement, he clearly can’t see me.”

“It’s a bit like shouting spastic at someone in a wheelchair - it’s not their fault, and you shouldn’t do it, no matter how big and shiny and expensive their wheelchair is.”

“I would ask though, if BMW could take a look at the indicators whilst they’re at it, I’m pretty sure they don’t work either.”

BMW say they are addressing the issue, and hope to have all cars back on the road by the end of the month, regardless of whether the issue is resolved.

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