Police commit to countrywide improvements in ‘track covering’

Metropolitan Police Commander Ali Dizaei has been sentenced to four years for assaulting and false arrest, prompting a countrywide review of the way our police forces are covering their tracks.

Mr Dizaei’s sentence is in relation to the poorly concealed assault of Mr Al-Baghdadi - a man who had the temerity to demand payment for work he had undertaken on Mr Dizaeri’s personal website.

Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Paul Stephenson said: “It is extremely disappointing and concerning that this very senior officer was so clearly unable to adequately cover his tracks after abusing his position of power.”

“We had invested heavily in the career of Mr. Dizaei, both in training and personal development, so you can imagine how let down we all feel this morning.”

Review

The systematic review of all track-covering methodologies is expected to take two years, and will address all levels of the force, starting with beat officers.

Commissioner Stephenson continued, “As far back as the sixties our officers were taught to apply blows in areas that will not bruise, and to do it out of sight of any cameras, but clearly this lesson has not been learnt by today’s generation of powerful officers.”

“I had assumed that every PC on the street knew the rudimentary basics in manipulating the public through the use of dubious pressure tactics - and how to quietly deal with those who don’t acquiesce, but I was wrong.”

“I am however confident that by 2012 when this review will be complete, our police forces will be capable of concealing just about anything they put their minds to.”

“After all, if we don’t have complete freedom from the law ourselves, what’s the point of even joining the police force, eh?”