Iraq invasion was part of giant game of Risk, General tells inquiry

By Jon Price

A top British general has told the Iraq inquiry how the 2003 invasion of Iraq was actually part of a gigantic game of Risk, the strategic board game in which players attempt to conquer the world using armies represented by plastic counters.

“World leaders started the game just after 9/11 to cheer themselves up,” General Sir Percival Hyde-Waring told the panel.

“It was quite exciting when Iraq was taken to keep Iran out of Egypt. But it’s like any board game - you start off all keen, but then it starts to drag on and everyone gets a bit bored, and besides, no-one else was playing fair.”

“The Russians started doodling all over Georgia and making up their own territories,” he explained, “while China just sat there amassing a huge number of counters and frightening the other players.”

“Then Bush got one of the dice stuck up his nose and the decision was made to pack the whole thing in.”

Precedent

“This is not the first time international leaders have given up halfway through,” claimed a leading political analyst.

“Remember how the British sponsored Buckaroo tournament failed to solve the Balkan crisis? And that latest game of international Monopoly - look at the mess that got us in!”

In other news, the proposed global peace summit at Camp David, designed to hammer out a final lasting agreement in the Middle-East to meet the needs and aspirations of all creeds and nations, will be postponed until after the Ukrainian election.

Several world leaders have indicated that they will only attend if they get to play Yulia Tymoshenko at Twister.