Iraq inquiry uncovers need for a much better Iraq inquiry

The Iraq inquiry has uncovered the need for a much better Iraq inquiry after chairman Sir John Chilcot shared his “frustration” at not being able to review classified documents.

After listening and seeing only the evidence that the Government feels it is appropriate for the inquiry to review, Sir John is expected to conclude his inquiry by recommending a much better inquiry.

“We have heard testimony from lots of people with very little to say of any interest, because all the really interesting stuff is classified,” said Sir John.

“At this rate it’s going to be very difficult to justify the sort of public flaying of the guilty parties that we were all hoping would happen at the end of the inquiry.”

“If I didn’t know better, I would say that those questioned are formulating answers in such a way as to divert my attention away from their criminal intent.”

“It’s just not cricket.”

Meddling

Sir John claimed he had wanted greater powers from the outset, but has been held back by a meddling public who insisted in seeing everything that happened.

“I was quite happy having the inquiry behind closed doors, but you lot, the bloody public, wanted to see it all. Well I hope you’re happy.”

“How can I put the frighteners on someone in front of the television cameras?”

“I watched two box sets of Law & Order - back to back - in order to prepare this inquiry, and because you lot insisted on watching, I can’t use any of the techniques I learned.”

“I just hope that when this all concludes and nobody is found guilty of anything, you’re all happy.”