You should drag beaten burglars back to your house, vigilantes told

After a businessman was freed from jail after permanently injuring an intruder who attacked him and his family, police have said have-a-go heroes should always look to drag bloodied intruders back into their houses before calling them.

Munir Hussain, 53, was originally sentenced to 30 months after he chased, caught and battered burglar Walid Salem with a cricket bat on 3rd September 2008.

Mr Hussain, who had been tied up along with his family by the burglars, chased after them with his brother in law after freeing himself, before breaking a quite expensive cricket bat over his head in the process of giving him brain damage.

A Criminal Prosecution Service spokesperson told us, “This is a terrible incident, and it highlights the lack of knowledge people have about how to legally inflict brain damage upon a burglar.”

“Everyone knows about hitting a child at 30 mph versus hitting them at 40 mph, but how many people know you should always drag a bloodied intruder back into your house before calling the police?”

“Not many I’d imagine.”

“We should be celebrating have-a-go heroes like Mr Hussain, and more people would be willing to stand up to burglars if we publicised the fact you can beat them with impunity as long as they are lying on your kitchen floor by the time the police arrive.”

Apology

Upon his release Mr Hussain apologised for the fuss he had created and said he had a number of regrets over the incident.

“I really am truly sorry that, in the spur of the moment, I chose my best cricket bat.”

“It was completely broken and has meant I had to spend several hours knocking in a new one, which simply isn’t the same to be honest. My cover drives are still a bit off.”

“I strongly recommend people keep to hand an old vacuum cleaner tube, or maybe an unused golf club, in case a burglar breaks into their home.”

“I am living proof of the pain caused by losing a loved personal item whilst pulverising the head of an intruder you’ve been fortunate enough to catch.”

“Also, I probably should have known better than to leave the burglar dying on the street. I realise now that I should have dragged him home, but it’s easy to see what I should have done in hindsight.”

“But I have learnt my lesson, the next burglar will take pride of place in the living room, I think, maybe the study if there’s lots of blood.”

“If I let him live of course, ha ha.”