UK spoof news and satire
NEWSARSE ARCHIVES
Authors
Page added on January 14, 2010
High-street giants Boots came under scrutiny once more this week after unveiling plans for their own-brand range of teapots crafted from delicious milk chocolate.
The pharmacy - who hit the headlines last month by admitting they sell completely ineffective homeopathic remedies simply because people are willing to buy them - announced the new chocolate teapots as the latest release in their line of alternative crockery.
Boots’ Professional Standards Director Paul Bennett told reporters, “Our strategy is simply, if people are gonna buy this stuff, then we’re damn sure gonna sell it.”
“Its effectiveness as a product is obviously a secondary concern when compared to people’s willingness to give us money for it.”
“We’re committed to offering a wide range of choice to our customers, and if anyone chooses to be stupid enough to pay good money for a teapot made of chocolate, then it’s our duty to take that money from them.”
“We consider it a public service, actually. If there is anything more dangerous than a gullible idiot, it’s a gullible idiot with a pocket full of cash.
“This in no way compromises our commitment to offering exceptional customer care, though,” he added.
Criticism
News of the new range has been met with widespread condemnation, with a spokesman for consumer rights group The 10:23 Campaign commenting, “For Boots to provide a teapot that is in no way fit for making tea is very disappointing.”
“I tried a cup of tea made in a chocolate teapot once - it was weak and disconcertingly sweet. That’s not how tea’s meant to be.
“Boots is a national institution, they should be helping us make better and better brews, instead of cashing in with these alternative teapots that patently don’t do the job for which they are sold.”
In response to the release of the new range, The 10:23 Campaign have issued an appeal to Boots to remove this ineffective crockery from their shelves, and return to selling real, proven teapots.
Boots are yet to officially respond.
ARTICLES & NEWS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED
Water found on Moon
And it is already significantly better than found in Spanish hotels
Dubai Financial Collapse
Lidl to open first Dubai supermarket for destitute Arabs
New EU Presidency
I never wanted the job anyway, Blair tells everyone
RELATED STORIES
LATEST NEWS HEADLINES
ALSO IN THE NEWS
We could tell you, but then we’d have to kill you, say MODThe Ministry of Defence has been accused of giving “misleading” answers to MPs scrutinising its budget after it told the committee that it could tell them where the money went, but then it would have to kill them.
MORE STORIES
Sugababes urged to resolve name dispute like women, in the ringHAVE YOUR SAY
Are Man City going too far offering £50m for the Geordie fan base?THE LIB DEMS : DOES ANYONE KNOW ANYTHING?
Is knowing they are the yellow ones really enough?OK, THESE MIGHT NOT BE HEADLINES ANY MORE