Boots to launch own-brand ‘Chocolate Teapot’ range

By Michael Marshall

High-street giants Boots came under scrutiny once more this week after unveiling plans for their own-brand range of teapots crafted from delicious milk chocolate.

The pharmacy - who hit the headlines last month by admitting they sell completely ineffective homeopathic remedies simply because people are willing to buy them - announced the new chocolate teapots as the latest release in their line of alternative crockery.

Boots’ Professional Standards Director Paul Bennett told reporters, “Our strategy is simply, if people are gonna buy this stuff, then we’re damn sure gonna sell it.”

“Its effectiveness as a product is obviously a secondary concern when compared to people’s willingness to give us money for it.”

“We’re committed to offering a wide range of choice to our customers, and if anyone chooses to be stupid enough to pay good money for a teapot made of chocolate, then it’s our duty to take that money from them.”

“We consider it a public service, actually. If there is anything more dangerous than a gullible idiot, it’s a gullible idiot with a pocket full of cash.

“This in no way compromises our commitment to offering exceptional customer care, though,” he added.

Criticism

News of the new range has been met with widespread condemnation, with a spokesman for consumer rights group The 10:23 Campaign commenting, “For Boots to provide a teapot that is in no way fit for making tea is very disappointing.”

“I tried a cup of tea made in a chocolate teapot once - it was weak and disconcertingly sweet. That’s not how tea’s meant to be.

“Boots is a national institution, they should be helping us make better and better brews, instead of cashing in with these alternative teapots that patently don’t do the job for which they are sold.”

In response to the release of the new range, The 10:23 Campaign have issued an appeal to Boots to remove this ineffective crockery from their shelves, and return to selling real, proven teapots.

Boots are yet to officially respond.