Being suspected by police of drug use can make you blind, warn police

Police are warning people not to be suspected drug users, as the torch they use to catch people suspected of snorting cocaine can make you blind, according to research.

Law enforcement across the country are using a specially designed UV light torch, which when pointed directly into the face of a suspected drug users face, highlights any drug residue.

However, research has now shown that the torch uses light that has a not dissimilar effect to looking directly at the sun for a prolonged period of time.

Police spokesperson Gerry Bright told us, “If ever there was an incentive not to be suspected of using drugs, it’s the threat of going blind.”

“As I’ve always said, we are tough on drugs, and tough on the people we think might have had some drugs.”

“If you look like the sort of person an average policeman might assume had taken some drugs in the recent past, then I suggest an image change.”

“We have every confidence that long term this policy will work, I mean, have you ever seen a blind man trying to secure Class A drugs? It is both hilarious and fruitless.”

Burn

The UV light used within the torch has also been shown to cause mild sunburn with prolonged exposure.

24 years of James Noble said, “People in the office thought I’d been away for the weekend, but no, a police officer merely spent three minutes looking for cocaine residue around my nostrils and face.”

“The thing is, this torch only shows a positive result for cocaine if it’s 87% pure. Trust me, there hasn’t been 87% pure cocaine on the streets of the UK since 1987.”

“If they can invent a torch that shows up a mix of cocaine, baby milk powder, sugar and bathroom detergent, then maybe they’d have more success.”