Put down the champagne, the powder was harmless, revelers told

May 19th, 2004

Street party organisers have been told to put the champagne back on ice after the purple powder thrown at at British Prime Minister Tony Blair in the House of Commons proved to be completely harmless.

The PM was speaking at the despatch box during Prime Minister’s Questions, when Fathers 4 Justice campaigner Ron Davies struck the PM with two missiles from the public gallery, to the sound of laughter and champagne corks in the nation’s homes.

Retired party organiser Samuel Gerrard, 63, told us, “He could have made the condoms significantly more unpleasant, couldn’t he? I mean, flour? Christ, does he want him to bake a cake?”

“If you’re going to make the contents harmless, then at least smear the outside in animal excrement or something, they might have stuck to him then.”

Disappointed

Within minutes impromptu street parties had been arranged the length and breadth of the nation, but the spontaneous revelry soon turned to disappointment when the powder was discovered to be harmless.

Dave Shackleton, 42, said, “I’ve had this ‘Blair Gone’ champagne in the fridge since early 2000, and when I saw the powder him hit, I really thought it was time to open it.”

“Anthrax, ricin, or Saxitoxin - honestly, any of them would have seen me guzzling bubbly like George Best with yet another new liver.”

“But instead, we get yet another illustration of how us Brits will never win the war on terror.”

“Can you imagine an Al Qaeda operative getting within touching distance of George Bush only to set off a harmless fire cracker?”

“If anything, this makes me dislike Fathers 4 Justice even more. Not only do they dress like retards on a play date, they’re also massive teases.”

As a result of the incident, security has been tightened around the Prime Minister, with Secretary of State John Prescott selflessly offering to test all of the PMs food for him.