UK spoof news and satire
NEWSARSE ARCHIVES
Authors
Page added on January 5, 2010
Prime Minister Tony Blair this morning announced that evidence has been found that Iraq is harbouring weapons capable of melting your face and shrinking your genitals, and as such, we must go to war immediately.
The announcement is expected to lead to a formal declaration of war and a full invasion of Saddam Hussein’s Iraq is now imminent.
Blair told the House of Commons, “Iraq has got some scary shit weapons, I kid you not.”
“Do you want tiny genitals? Do you? I’m sure Jordan wouldn’t mind a few cubic square feet taken out of hers, but most of us think the idea is horrendous.”
“Face melting is just the start, they’ve got this one bomb that essentially gives you lots and lots of hurty paper cuts. Are you scared yet?”
“You should be, we are quite certain they have also got a smart bomb that will render everyone retarded, and drive millions dribbling to their television screens to see if Cameron or Nush will win Big Brother.”
Prevention
The Prime Minister explained that all was not lost, and the nation was not condemned to a future of tiny penises and faces like the Chancellor Gordon Brown.
Blair continued, “We can stop them, we just need to invade them. So that’s OK then? The invasion like?”
“My mate George in America assures me that it’s definitely the right thing to do.”
“You can ask weapon inspector Dr David Kelly if you like, he’s seen all the evidence, but he seems to have switched off his mobile.”
“So, let’s warm up those tanks, eh?”
ARTICLES & NEWS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED
Water found on Moon
And it is already significantly better than found in Spanish hotels
Dubai Financial Collapse
Lidl to open first Dubai supermarket for destitute Arabs
New EU Presidency
I never wanted the job anyway, Blair tells everyone
PLACES TO GET YOUR NEWSARSE FIX
![]() |
![]() |
|
|
RELATED STORIES
LATEST NEWS HEADLINES
ALSO IN THE NEWS
If you need to use a train then it’s ‘peak time’, clarify rail firmsResponding to claims that their peak-fare rules are unfair and confusing, train companies have explained that peak time is limited only to the times at which you want to use a train.
MORE STORIES
Survey finds public wants cold-callers banned, what do you think?HAVE YOUR SAY
Is Man Utd goal scorer Own Goal really worth £85m to Real Madrid?HOMEOPATHY FINALLY PROVEN TO WORK
“This is the proof that that everyone is asking for. They took the sleeping pills, and just a day and half later they simply could not stay awake any longer.”OK, THESE MIGHT NOT BE HEADLINES ANY MORE