Liverpool as European City of Culture is not a joke, insists EU

June 9th, 2003

The award of European City of Culture to British city Liverpool is not an elaborate joke on the people of Merseyside, the European Union has insisted today.

The denial comes as a result of Europe wide incredulity at the award being given to Liverpool ahead of several thousand better qualified cities throughout mainland Europe.

On being told of the award, one Dutch tourist said, “Is there another Liverpool, perhaps somewhere near Vienna?  Or in Northern Italy.  I’m pretty sure they don’t mean that place next to Runcorn, do they?”

The Mayor of Milan was disappointed at the snub, claiming, “Their most famous cultural export, the Beatles, haven’t even lived there for forty years.”

“Oh hang on, did they steal the award?  That would make much more sense than actually being given it.”

Genuine

The EU has been forced to publicly denounce rumours that the award was nothing more than a practical joke, and that the services of Jeremy Beadle had been secured to wear a disguise and reveal the elaborate ruse at the award ceremony.

An EU spokesperson said,”This award is 100% genuine.  Liverpool will be the European City of Culture in 2008, I shit you not.”

“Have we actually been to Liverpool?  Well, no.  Not personally.”

“But we saw the promotional video they submitted, and we were impressed with their beaches, the mountains, and the open air amphitheatre at the heart of the city.”

“We also didn’t realise Beethoven was a scouser, or that Liverpool was the home of rhythm and blues, and the 19th century impressionist movement.”

A Liverpool spokesperson told us, “Look, if Glasgow can have it, then so the bloody hell can we!”

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