Nokia to sue Apple for ‘making better phones than us’

Nokia has ramped up its legal fight against Apple, arguing that the iPhone utilises technology invented by Nokia, only Apple is using it to make much, much better handsets.

Nokia hold a number of patents for well established technologies in the mobile phone industry, such as ‘making phone calls from a handheld device’ and ‘always making calls to your boss when you sit on your phone’.

Most mobile phone manufacturers pay a licence fee to Nokia to use these patented methods, but Apple have decided they really can not be bothered.

A Nokia spokesperson told us, “We would definitely still be pursuing this legal action even if Apple were making really rubbish phones, definitely.”

“This has nothing to do with them taking something we’ve done and improving it beyond anything we’ve come up with to date.”

“We practically invented mobile phones, and so every mobile phone company owes us, big time.”

Retort

An Apple spokesperson told us, “We will strongly contest any legal action brought by Nokia, for the good of the mobile phone industry - and for Steve Jobs’ bonus.”

“I ask you, what is the point of inventing something and then using it to make truly disappointing devices?”

“Karl Benz didn’t invent the two stroke petrol engine to make bloody lawn mowers, did he?”

“Nokia can come and talk to us as soon as they have a device you can drink an imaginary pint of lager from.”

VICTORIA PENDLETON GIVES BACK

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Nokia to sue Apple for ‘making better phones than us’

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