Alex Salmond’s ego hoping to burst with self importance

Scottish politician Alex Salmond is threatening legal action to ensure he is involved in the national election debate, despite 90% of the population being outside Scotland and not giving a rat’s toss what he has to say about anything.

Salmond, Scotland’s First Minister and leader of the Scottish National Party, has claimed that his exclusion from the main national debates is undemocratic and would do untold harm to his political ego.

Salmond told reporters, “I am the First Minister, First. That makes me as important as the Prime Minister, because first means prime, sort of.”

“How can I continue claiming to be important on the International scene if the only people who are exposed to my nationalist ramblings are the people of Scotland?”

“I have just as much right to lie through my teeth to the nation as those other politicians. I can’t be less important than Nick Clegg, surely?”

Uninterested

Viewers and voters have expressed dismay at the SNPs plans to launch a legal bid for Salmond to be involved in the debates.

David Simms, 37, told us, “One self-important Scottish moron on television at a time is more than enough for anyone, I didn’t even have the opportunity to vote against either of them.”

“For some reason Salmond seems to be under the mistaken impression that the people of Tunbridge Wells have the slightest interest what happens in Scotland.”

“We don’t, for clarification.”

“I don’t understand why he thinks he’s important south of the border? I mean, Boris Johnson looks after 50% more people than he does, but I wouldn’t want that blond buffoon anywhere near the televised debates.”

“Honestly, if we’re going to include people with political agendas I have absolutely no interest in, and which don’t affect me, let’s at least make them entertaining.”

“Maybe Kim Jong Il or Robert Mugabe would be interested in taking part?