Televised election debates to include rebuttals with assorted weaponry

As the UK prepares for its first ever televised general election live debate, television companies are considering proposals to allow party leaders to accost each other physically between questions.

The UK has previously only shown an interest in televised politics when they genuinely believe it is ‘all about to kick off’, as seen by the record viewing figures during the BNPs first Question Time appearance.

As such, ITV are considering a format which will do away with rebuttals altogether, and instead allow 30 seconds of limited physical assault.

“Nothing too serious,” said ITV Chairman Archie Norman, “we’re talking several punches wearing regulation amateur boxing gloves, maybe some light strangulation.”

“Nothing will focus David Cameron’s mind on the question of the NHS quite like the sight of Gordon Brown getting his hands taped up a few feet away.”

“We will however have to be careful with the rules, as I imagine those involved will just want to use their rebuttal time to hit Gordon Brown repeatedly in the face, regardless of who asked or answered the questions.”

Rules

Political parties have been already begun the negotiating the format of the questions to be answered during the televised debate.

A Downing Street spokesperson explained that they were looking forward to an open debate on the real issues, “But we have requested that there be no questions on the economy, banking, immigration, taxation, the NHS, education, unions, Europe, Iraq, Afghanisan, the Armed forces in general, or MP expenses.”

“But apart from that, ask whatever you like.”

Members of the public have had their imaginations ignited, and many have found themselves excited by this new innovation to the political process.

33 yeard-old Jane Colson told us, “It’s important for democracy in this country that we get to hear exactly what the leaders of our main political parties think,”

“And I for one am very much looking forward to hearing their carefully scripted answers to a set of pre-vetted subject areas, all delivered in an extremely well-rehearsed manner.”

“But I do like the ITV proposal, it will add another dimension in trying to decide which leader has inflicted the most pain on the other leaders, rather than who is least likely to leave me homeless and destitute thanks to their financial mismanagement on a national scale.”