UK spoof news and satire
NEWSARSE ARCHIVES
Authors
Page added on December 7, 2009
Fulham manager Roy Hodgson has shown signs of early onset dementia after recommending Bobby Zamora for an England World Cup place during a post match interview with the nation’s media.
The public outburst has forced Fulham officials to admit for the first time that their manager is starting to lose his marbles.
A Fulham spokesperson told us, “He still seems to be able to give adequate team talks, though he does seem to think he’s giving them to his 1995 Inter Milan side.”
“It’s a bit embarrassing when he keeps referring to Damien Duff as Aaron Winter, but the players think its some clever nickname that they haven’t figured out yet.”
“We were hoping to keep his failing mental capacity behind closed doors for a little longer, but I guess it’s out there now.”
Symptoms
Leading Dementia experts have said that although still he is still relatively young, the symptoms displayed by Hodgson are conclusive.
“Dementia can be categorized by symptoms such as memory loss, disorientation, and recommending Bobby Zamora for anything other than the glue factory.”
“Claiming Bobby Zamora is suitable for England’s World Cup team is a classic indicator of mental illness.”
It is hoped that with adequate care, Hodgson will be able to maintain his position as team manager for several years to come.
The Fulham spokesperson concluded, “We will be showing him footage of him recommending Booby for a place in Fabio Capello’s squad during one of his more lucid moments.”
“If that isn’t enough to make him seek the help he so obviously needs, then nothing ever will be.”
ARTICLES & NEWS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED
Water found on Moon
And it is already significantly better than found in Spanish hotels
Dubai Financial Collapse
Lidl to open first Dubai supermarket for destitute Arabs
New EU Presidency
I never wanted the job anyway, Blair tells everyone
PLACES TO GET YOUR NEWSARSE FIX
![]() |
![]() |
|
|
RELATED STORIES
LATEST NEWS HEADLINES
ALSO IN THE NEWS
BP’s Tony Hayward seeking new scapegoat opportunitiesProfessional scapegoat and current BP chief executive Tony Hayward is expected to stand down this week, and is said to be looking for new opportunities to which he can bring his own unique brand of scapegoat expertise.
MORE STORIES
Queen barred from BNP garden partyHAVE YOUR SAY
Is Man Utd goal scorer Own Goal really worth £85m to Real Madrid?HOMEOPATHY FINALLY PROVEN TO WORK
“This is the proof that that everyone is asking for. They took the sleeping pills, and just a day and half later they simply could not stay awake any longer.”OK, THESE MIGHT NOT BE HEADLINES ANY MORE