UK spoof news and satire
NEWSARSE ARCHIVES
Authors
Page added on December 4, 2009
Portsmouth have confirmed some of their millionaires have not received their November millions, the second time this season they have been forced to live off their existing millions.
A Portsmouth statement read: “The majority of the first team millionaires have not yet received their obviously well-earned November salaries.”
“A small proportion of their wages will be paid on Friday - probably something like a hundred grand each - with the club’s new owners working towards paying the remainder over the next few days.”
“Our thoughts go out to the members of the squad and their families at this financially difficult time, and we all hope they can find the strength to survive.”
“I’m afraid that the leopard-print Bentley Continental they’ve had their eye on will have to wait until after Christmas.”
Supporters
The lack of payment to Portsmouth’s players has created significant criticism among supporter organisations.
“Look, they were pretty bloody rubbish when they were being paid, so this is hardly going to help, is it?” Said on season ticket holder.
Another told us, “It’s tragic. How can a millionaire survive and maintain his ostentatious lifestyle without a ready supply of well-earned cash from me and 30,000 of my friends which he can then fritter away as he chooses?”
“David James spends £50k a month on hairstyles, god knows what he’ll look like on Saturday now.”
“And poor old Jamie O’Hara now has to support premier league WAG Danielle Lloyd, so she’s hardly going to hang around without a ready supply of new millions, is she?”
A support organisation has been launched in support of the struggling Portsmouth players, and donations can be made directly to the PFA.
ARTICLES & NEWS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED
Water found on Moon
And it is already significantly better than found in Spanish hotels
Dubai Financial Collapse
Lidl to open first Dubai supermarket for destitute Arabs
New EU Presidency
I never wanted the job anyway, Blair tells everyone
RELATED STORIES
LATEST NEWS HEADLINES
ALSO IN THE NEWS
We could tell you, but then we’d have to kill you, say MODThe Ministry of Defence has been accused of giving “misleading” answers to MPs scrutinising its budget after it told the committee that it could tell them where the money went, but then it would have to kill them.
MORE STORIES
Sugababes urged to resolve name dispute like women, in the ringHAVE YOUR SAY
Are Man City going too far offering £50m for the Geordie fan base?THE LIB DEMS : DOES ANYONE KNOW ANYTHING?
Is knowing they are the yellow ones really enough?OK, THESE MIGHT NOT BE HEADLINES ANY MORE