Lidl to open first Dubai supermarket

As prices on the Dubai stock market dropped even further, pushing the emirate to the brink of financial collapse, Lidl announced plans to cater for the newly poor Arabs by opening a flagship store in Dubai.

With Dubai World struggling to pay its debts, Lidl have snapped up a prime location near Jumeirah beach from which they will provide discount foods to poverty stricken oil men.

A Lidl spokesperson told us, “We make it our mission to provide discount products wherever they are needed, whether that be a council estate in Manchester, or a bankrupt emirate in the gulf.”

“We do not discriminate, and we feel paying 5p for a tin of beans should be the fundamental right of every poor person on the planet.”

“The fact that some of them drove to the supermarket in a platinum plated Rolls Royce is irrelevant.”

Shopping

A Dubai spokesperson said they were delighted by Lidl’s move to include them in their global bargain shopping family.

“We are glad to see the name Dubai mentioned in the same breath as Runcorn, Basildon and Stockport.”

“We continue to welcome tourists to Dubai who can now experience our new world of frugal entertainment.”

“Why not spend the day playing in the sand - we have a lot of that, and it’s free.”

“Then pop to the supermarket and feed a family of six for a tenner.”

“We like to think of ourselves as Clacton with sunshine.”

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