UK spoof news and satire
NEWSARSE ARCHIVES
Authors
Page added on November 23, 2009
Model and celebrity vagina Katie Price has walked out of I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! after less than a week on the ITV show and may be finally realising that everybody in the UK despises her.
Viewers of the programme, which is set in the Australian jungle, have voted repeatedly for the extremely unpopular contestant to put things in her mouth significantly more disgusting than the genitals of C list celebrities.
“It’s been difficult,” said Price on leaving the jungle.
“I’m no stranger to sucking on things most normal people might find repulsive, but this is just too much.”
“I don’t understand it. Everyone loves me, yet the voting machine has made me undertake every task since I came into the jungle.”
“Either I’m not as popular as I thought, or Peter Andre has hired a group of nerdy hackers to corrupt the voting system. Yes, that’s obviously it!”
“You bastard Andre!”
Telephone Bill
With the vast majority of right-minded UK television viewers now taking their phones off redial, phone bills everywhere will return to pre “Jordan in the Jungle” level.
“It’s been fun, watching that trollop squirm around in shite for my amusement,” said one viewer.
“If I were a Bond villain I’d have her kidnapped and this would be on my own personal entertainment channel 24 hours a day.”
ITV have lauded her appearance on the show as a complete success.
“Nothing motivates people to pick up the phone and vote more than trying to get someone they really despise bitten by a snake,” said a channel spokesperson.
“So from that point of view, this has been the best series yet.”
Price’s new book - “My week in the jungle failing to get a new husband” - will no doubt be out for Christmas.
ARTICLES & NEWS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED
Water found on Moon
And it is already significantly better than found in Spanish hotels
Dubai Financial Collapse
Lidl to open first Dubai supermarket for destitute Arabs
New EU Presidency
I never wanted the job anyway, Blair tells everyone
RELATED STORIES
LATEST NEWS HEADLINES
ALSO IN THE NEWS
Assisted suicide should be completely legal, insist potential heirsThe people set to inherit the houses of ageing sick people have insisted that assisted suicide should not only be legal, but should be actively encouraged among those taking overly long to shuffle off this mortal coil.
MORE STORIES
Homeopathy proven to work after overdosing protesters eventually fall asleepHAVE YOUR SAY
Are Man City going too far offering £50m for the Geordie fan base?THE LIB DEMS : DOES ANYONE KNOW ANYTHING?
Is knowing they are the yellow ones really enough?OK, THESE MIGHT NOT BE HEADLINES ANY MORE