I didn’t want the job anyway, Blair tells EU

As EU leaders chose the Belgian Prime Minister, Herman van Rompuy, as the new face of limitless European bureaucracy, Tony Blair publicly announced that he didn’t want the job anyway, and anyone says he did is lying.

The move to appoint Rompuy has been welcomed by EU leaders like German Chancellor Angela Merkel who said, “Mr Van Rompuy is the perfect low profile politician we can bully into doing our bidding.”

“He is literally the least powerful option we could choose, so I expect him to spend the next two and a half years breathlessly awaiting our instructions.”

Don’t care

On hearing of the result, UN envoy Tony Blair said he didn’t care. “Why would I want that job, I’m already Middle East peace envoy, which as anyone in the world of unsolvable problems will tell you, is miles and miles better.”

“So what if Rompuy will have a 5,000 strong staff to tend to his every whim. I have the burning hatred of both Israel and Palestine to fuel me every day. Which I really love by the way.”

The move to elect Rompuy as EU President has left most people in the UK completely bewildered.

28 year-old Jane Simms said, “So he’s now the most powerful man in Europe? It’s strange, because if I saw him on the street I’d ask him if he wanted help crossing it.”

“Does he have an army? No? Well, on the bright side I suppose he won’t be invading anywhere any time soon.”