Risk-taking bankers to gamble for one last enormous bonus

The Government has said bankers who take “reckless” risks with investments could be stripped of future bonuses, ensuring the next risk they take will be quite monumental in the hope of one last lucrative pay-off.

The move comes as the Government said that banking must be ‘more secure’, and no longer a home to those that are really good at gambling with your money.

“We are absolutely sure this is the right course of action - telling risk-taking bankers ‘That’s it, you’re not getting any more bonuses after this one’ - is definitely the right way to go.” said a Whitehall insider.

“I fail to see how telling them we plan to penalise them for undertaking a currently very lucrative activity in the future, is any sort of incentive to do more of it right now.”

Risky

The plan has been welcomed by risk-taking bankers, who claim it is just the encouragement they need to go for the ‘big one’ in the very short term.

“I look at the plans and think, do I want to work in the city earning mediocre bonuses for another twenty years? No, no I jolly well don’t,” said one banker.

“Much better I take on a ridiculously inappropriate amount of risk on one last deal and forgo all my future bonuses as a result.”

“I’m thinking of putting the £16bn Post Office pension fund on Chelsea to beat Wolves 3-0 on Saturday with Anelka to score first, what do you think?”

“It’s a risky 12-1 shot, but I could be up by £182 billion come Saturday evening, so there’d be no need for any further bonuses.”

“Do you know where the nearest Ladbrokes is?”

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