£45m lottery couple already despised by absolutely everyone

By Kathryn Hall

A married couple from south Wales, who won a £45.5million share of the Euromillions lottery jackpot, have spoken of their success in really getting on the tits of everyone in the country in just a few days.

The couple, Mr & Mrs Scadding from Caerleon near Newport, scooped half of the £90m jackpot in Saturday’s draw.

“It’s true,” said Les Scadding, 53, an unemployed mechanic.

“Last week I could go to the pub and have a few pints. This week, everyone thinks I’m a complete bastard.”

His wife, Samantha, agreed, “As soon as we start giggling and telling people our hilarious anecdote about how we didn’t even realise we’d won, people start shouting and wanting to punch us. We can’t understand it at all.”

Unemployed

Mr Scadding is currently out of work, and had been looking for temporary driving contracts.

“As usual, it’s the bloody unemployed who win the lottery,” said David Johnson, an accountant from Wokingham.

“Why can’t it be someone who pays tax for a change? Someone like an accountant. From Wokingham. Called David.”

Another random person with a losing lottery ticket told us, “When the lottery first started we’d look at the winners and think, “Oh that’s nice, good for them’, but not any more.”

“That was fifteen years ago so it’s about time I bloody won now, not these trumped up Welsh dole queue residents.”

“I suppose we should be grateful they’re not chavs. Seeing one more Burberry-coloured Bentley parked outside KFC would really boil my piss.”

Reassurance

“It’s not like we’re suddenly going to change or anything,” said the Scaddings, seeking to calm everyone down.

“Yes, we’ll be buying a significantly bigger house with a moat, his and hers Ferraris, a holiday home in Barbados, and we’ll never need to work again of course, but other than that, we’re still just like you normal people,” said Samantha.

“Except with £45million in the bank,” reminded her husband.

Camelot has been quick to deny rumours of a fix. “Nine countries participate in the EuroMillions lottery, but the UK spends the highest proportion of its job seekers’ allowances on lottery tickets.”

“The fact that Mr. Scadding went overdrawn to buy this ticket is a lesson to the unemployed everywhere.”

“Food and bills are optional, but never, ever claim you haven’t got enough money to enter the lottery.”

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£45m lottery couple already despised by absolutely everyone

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