UK spoof news and satire
NEWSARSE ARCHIVES
Authors
As prices on the Dubai stock market dropped even further, pushing the emirate to the brink of financial collapse, Lidl announced plans to cater for the newly poor Arabs by opening flagship store in Dubai.
A damning report into child abuse in the Dublin archdiocese has criticised the Catholic Church hierarchy for being almost comically bad at covering up the abuse.
Representatives of the horses alliance have today petitioned scientists for its members to be allowed into the latest medical trials, citing clear bias in favour of rodents in experimental medicine to date.
Millions of bank customers have been told by a Supreme Court judgement that banks can take them roughly from behind, just as long as the banks tell them it is coming in their small print.
Every school pupil in England is to be taught that domestic violence against women and girls is generally a bad thing, as part of a new government strategy to state the bleeding obvious at every opportunity.
A police officer given a conditional discharge for using prostitutes whilst on duty has been described as the most personable officer anyone has ever dealt with.
A Belgian man who doctors thought was in a coma for 23 years but was conscious all along, has explained he is already bored witless by the daytime television he is now forced to watch.
A rush-hour rail passenger this week made his way down into the middle of an otherwise packed train to allow fellow commuters to board, Newsarse has learned.
Conservative leader David Cameron is to be given a dictionary by senior party officials after announcing he plans to hold an ‘emergency’ budget within 50 days if his party wins the next general election.
Model and celebrity vagina Katie Price has walked out of I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! after less than a week on the ITV show and may be finally realising that everybody in the UK despises her.
LATEST NEWS HEADLINES
ALSO IN THE NEWS
If you need to use a train then it’s ‘peak time’, clarify rail firmsResponding to claims that their peak-fare rules are unfair and confusing, train companies have explained that peak time is limited only to the times at which you want to use a train.
MORE STORIES
Survey finds public wants cold-callers banned, what do you think?HAVE YOUR SAY
Is Man Utd goal scorer Own Goal really worth £85m to Real Madrid?HOMEOPATHY FINALLY PROVEN TO WORK
“This is the proof that that everyone is asking for. They took the sleeping pills, and just a day and half later they simply could not stay awake any longer.”OK, THESE MIGHT NOT BE HEADLINES ANY MORE