Nick Griffin lied, we are totally violent, insist the Ku Klux Klan

The Ku Klux Klan last night issued a vociferous rebuttal to BNP leader Nick Griffin’s Question Time accusation that they are an ‘almost entirely non-violent’ organisation.

Beckham to perform sexually for wives of 2018 World Cup panel

The Football Association has come under fire after offering the sexual services of David Beckham to the wives of all 25 members of FIFA’s 2018 World Cup committee.

BNP supporters to overcome fear of ’speaking picture box’

As BNP leader Nick Griffin prepares for his appearance on tonight’s Question Time, hundreds of BNP supporters are trying to overcome their irrational fear of ‘that speaking box of moving pictures in the corner of the room’ which can be used to see it.
Despite numerous protests, Griffin is expected to take his place on the [...]

Microsoft unveils new way for computers to make you weep

The latest version of Microsoft’s flagship product, Windows 7, is released today introducing millions of PC users to unprecedented levels of tear-inducing frustration.

I kept them all alive didn’t I, says Mum-of-the-Year nominee Jordan

Katie Price has been nominated for Celebrity Mum of the Year after successfully keeping all of her children alive for the duration of 2009.

Top Afghan forgers to compete in election ‘run off’

Afghanistan’s top forgery experts will engage in an election ‘run off’ to determine which religious lunatic will run the country for the next five years.

Criminals use new website to search for lucrative new territory

An interactive online map allowing criminals to find areas across England and Wales which are untouched by petty crime has been launched today.

BNP to distance itself from extremist British military

The BNP today announced plans to distance itself from the British Army after claiming its policy of chasing foreigners around their own countries was going ‘a bit too far’.

This year’s Christmas cards to be lost by temporary workers

The Royal Mail has announced plans to hire 30,000 temporary workers who will be responsible for losing your Christmas cards during this coming festive season.

Sunderland’s Darren Bent dropped for failing to pot the red

Sunderland boss Steve Bruce has angrily dropped star striker Darren Bent for the foreseeable future - after the burly frontman missed “probably the easiest pot he’ll have all season” in Saturday’s dramatic encounter with 18-times Snooker Champions Liverpool.

« Previous Page — Next Page »

LATEST NEWS HEADLINES

• Government tells MoD ‘be more careful with your pocket money’
• Government to introduce ’single’ benefit payment, what do you think?
• Discovery of old Zoo magazine points to unintelligent life on Mars
• Home Secretary demands more efficient punishments for kids to completely ignore
• Security experts warn that stuff you put on the Internet is on the Internet

ALSO IN THE NEWS

BP’s Tony Hayward seeking new scapegoat opportunities

Professional scapegoat and current BP chief executive Tony Hayward is expected to stand down this week, and is said to be looking for new opportunities to which he can bring his own unique brand of scapegoat expertise.

MORE STORIES

Queen barred from BNP garden party

• Shut up! We know loads about doin’ it, insists NUT
• We’ve been really busy with other non-G20 stuff, insist CPS
• Redknapp claims Gordon Brown can win next election
• Liverpool fans draw lots to see who will rob Joe Cole’s house
• Griffin to spend afternoon swapping jokes with Prince Philip
• Eton history teacher refusing to leave bathroom

HAVE YOUR SAY

Is Man Utd goal scorer Own Goal really worth £85m to Real Madrid?

HOMEOPATHY FINALLY PROVEN TO WORK

“This is the proof that that everyone is asking for. They took the sleeping pills, and just a day and half later they simply could not stay awake any longer.”

OK, THESE MIGHT NOT BE HEADLINES ANY MORE

• Nation in shock as rising HIV rate shows old people definitely still having sex
• The rise of Justin Bieber also ‘not BP’s fault’ clarifies Cameron
• Government to simplify way in which it takes all your money
• Blowing people up raises risk of being blown up, admits former MI5 chief
• Star Trek fans bemoan invention of silent and invisible laser
• Vince Cable takes charge of Department of The Bloody Obvious