Stockbrokers reach highest levels of smugness for a year

As the FTSE 100 closed at its highest level for more than a year, stockbrokers everywhere returned to levels of smugness not seen since September 2008.

The FTSE was boosted by stronger commodity prices and optimism about the US corporate earnings season, ensuring stockbrokers left for home with a familiar look of superiority and disdain.

London’s leading share index rose 48.3 points to 5,210.17, prompting Charles Dubois, a London commodities trader to tell us, “Of course, a strong stock market is good for the economy as a whole,”

“But most of all it means I’ll be able to afford a reasonable drug habit again, and begin using the really good prostitutes - the cheaper ones are more trouble than they’re worth.”

Difficult

The last twelve months have been difficult on professional traders, with many having to re-evaluate lifestyle choices and their attitudes to society.

“I had become used to lording it over everyone with the bucket loads of cash I made from professionally gambling with their lives.” continued Mr Dubois.

“But for some reason people didn’t like it when you made then homeless or decimated their pension funds over night.”

“Thankfully that is all behind us now, and with a strong stock market we can once again return to a position of superiority above all of the poor people.”

“Cigar?”

VICTORIA PENDLETON GIVES BACK

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Stockbrokers reach highest levels of smugness for a year

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