France to build monuments in honour of pirate victory

France has announced plans to build a series of national monuments in honour of its greatest military victory, the defeat of eight Somalian pirates.

French military spokesman Admiral Christophe Prazuck said the pirates attacked in skiffs late at night some 300 miles off the Somali coast, but were bravely resisted by well-trained military personnel.

“Our heavily armoured battleship offered our brave soldiers little protection against their dinghy and catapults, but without so much as a thought for their own safety, our sailors chased them.”

A fierce battle is said to have been fought, with the pirates throwing the contents of the dinghy at the side of the battleship, and the French sailors using loudspeakers threatening to tell America on them.

“Our nation’s architects are working on designs for monuments to be placed all over our country to ensure this heroic victory is remembered by generations to come,” continued Prazuck.

“And can you make sure you spell my name correctly, because I’m going to forward this to my mum.”

Embarrassement

The Somali pirate leader has spoken of his shame over the incident.

“I was absolutely distraught when their captain finally spoke to us in French.” he told reporters when paraded by the French military.

“We honestly thought they were Australian so you can imagine how we feel to find out they were French all along.”

“We would have tried a bit harder had we known, and to be honest it’s all a bit embarrassing to have been captured by the French.”

“I don’t suppose there is a global tragedy that will hog the news agenda and allow this to by swept under he carpet is there?”

“If not they’ll probably name a national holiday after us, won’t they?”

ENGLAND'S FOOTBALLING HEROES

RELATED STORIES

• French cruise liner surrenders to Somali pirates
• France celebrates becoming even more detestable
• World mourns as French president leaves hospital
• French officially as obnoxious abroad as they are at home
• Nuclear subs unable to swap insurance details

LATEST NEWS HEADLINES

• No ban on racist grandparents, say Government
• Take That star sorry for being caught cheating by The Sun
• Courts rule you must listen to all the rubbish Pink Floyd songs too
• Facebook criticised as man impersonates a girl who pretends to be a man
• Police defend ‘ignore it until it goes away’ crime fighting tactics

ALSO IN THE NEWS

We could tell you, but then we’d have to kill you, say MOD

The Ministry of Defence has been accused of giving “misleading” answers to MPs scrutinising its budget after it told the committee that it could tell them where the money went, but then it would have to kill them.

MORE STORIES

Sugababes urged to resolve name dispute like women, in the ring

• See, you can make good profits without making good shows, says ITV
• John Terry considering offer to become a South African polygamist
• Don’t panic, Only Fools and Horses repeats are perfectly safe, insists Thompson
• Cocaine use on the rise as real life becomes five times worse than ten years ago
• I’ll happily pay tax just as soon as I get my own way on everything, insists Lord Ashcroft
• One medal definitely a success insist British Winter Olympic team

HAVE YOUR SAY

Are Man City going too far offering £50m for the Geordie fan base?

THE LIB DEMS : DOES ANYONE KNOW ANYTHING?

Is knowing they are the yellow ones really enough?

OK, THESE MIGHT NOT BE HEADLINES ANY MORE

• France surrenders to advancing storm front
• Teenage boys delighted with current levels of media sexualisation
• Fans panic as Bridge retirement puts Neville one place closer to recall
• Tragedy as killer whale does exactly what it says on the tin
• Men everywhere dusting off old Cheryl Cole fantasies
• India arrests Britons for having embarrassingly dull hobby