Peeping toms to earn money while they masturbate

Peeping toms could earn cash by watching people on commercial CCTV cameras from their own home, in a scheme planned to begin next month.

The Internet Eyes website will offer up to £1,000 if subscribing perverts can stop masturbating long enough to report shoplifting, or other crimes whilst they are in progress.

The site’s owners say they are hoping to combine a perverts insatiable desire to watch people from afar with the incentive of earning money to do so.

The private company scheme - due to go live in Stratford-upon-Avon in November - aims to stream live footage of unsuspecting shoppers, from CCTV cameras installed in shops, to the home computers of its sexually deviant subscribers.

Scheme

“It’s perfect for home-based perverts like me,” said subscriber Seamus McCarthy.

“I can sit at my desk all day wanking myself silly watching women shop for underwear, and if one of the foxy ones I’m watching happens to try and steal something, then I get paid a grand.”

“I’m essentially doing this job for free already, and I’ve been out of work since I left the priesthood, so this is kind of a godsend to be honest.”

Despite opposition from anyone who has plans to ever go shopping again, Internet Eyes have been quick to explain the positive side of their service.

A spokesperson for the company told us, “You have to remember that the Internet’s nefarious degenerates have living expenses too.”

“They also have excellent attention to detail, and if we can stop them sexually gratifying themselves for just a few moments we can actually reduce crime.”

“Reducing crime and keeping perverts in their bedrooms, really, can you still honestly object?”

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