Corruption fear in Afghan election as Iranian Ahmadinejad becomes bookies favourite

An investigation has been launch into Afghanistan’s presidential election after it was discovered that Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is the current bookmaker’s favourite.

Manchester holiday makers forced to take enjoyable flights

Ryanair is to switch or close nine of the 10 routes it currently operates from Manchester Airport, forcing travellers to enjoy the journey to their eventual destination.

Losing referees Riley and Styles worse than losing Ronaldo, says Ferguson

Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson has claimed that recently retired referees Mike Riley and Rob Styles are a bigger loss to his team than departed Cristiano Ronaldo.

Jordan starts own television company ensuring endless supply of drivel

Katie Price, also known as Jordan, has expanded her business empire by launching her own television production company ensuring an infinite supply of mind-numbingly tedious reality shows featuring the star.

Female fighters should wrestle in oily paddling pools only, say Olympic fans

The International Olympic Committee has approved women’s boxing for the London 2012 Olympics, despite calls to include female wrestling in paddling pools full of transparent lubricant, instead.

Alan Duncan is right about the rations you know, say war veterans

Veterans of the second world war have been quick to support Shadow Commons leader Alan Duncan, by saying yes, being an MP is just like living on rations during the war.

Police to focus thief hunt on anyone selling £40m of jewellery

The police said last night that they will be focussing their hunt for the New Bond Street jewel thieves on anyone looking to sell approximately £40m worth of jewels.

Booze still not scary enough to stop us drinking, says everyone

As alcohol was largely blamed for an “alarming” rise in the rate of oral cancers, drinkers everywhere responded by saying it’s still not scary enough to stop them drinking it.

Conservatives definitely the least shitty option, says Osborne

Shadow chancellor George Osborne has said the Conservatives are now the “least shitty” force in UK politics after outlining plans to let the lowest bidder educate the nation’s children.

Football fan uses Internet to tackle footballer rip-offs

A dedicated football fan is launching a website aimed at helping fellow supporters avoid being ripped off or getting bad service.

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Professional scapegoat and current BP chief executive Tony Hayward is expected to stand down this week, and is said to be looking for new opportunities to which he can bring his own unique brand of scapegoat expertise.

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HAVE YOUR SAY

Is Man Utd goal scorer Own Goal really worth £85m to Real Madrid?

HOMEOPATHY FINALLY PROVEN TO WORK

“This is the proof that that everyone is asking for. They took the sleeping pills, and just a day and half later they simply could not stay awake any longer.”

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