Scientist creates human sperm in laboratory’s quiet back room

Scientists in Newcastle claim to have created human sperm in the laboratory just days before their research programme was due to be shut down due to lack of funding.

During a routine visit from the funding body, leading Professor Karim Nayernia was able to produce a test tube of human sperm after just a few minutes in a back room.

“We were on the verge of closing the whole thing down,” said Peter Shervil of the Medical Research Council.

“But then Professor Nayernia said he had something amazing to show us, but just needed a couple of minutes with his laptop before showing us.”

“A short while later he came back with a test tube of material of what has been proven to be viable human sperm. It’s amazing!”

Hard work

Scientists on the programme have been quick to point journalists to the years of hard work that have led to this amazing development.

“We’ve been playing around with stem cells for years, but this was a real breakthrough that absolutely none of us saw coming.”

During the press conference Professor Nayernia was asked for a further sample, to which he let out a quiet whimper and asked if anyone had any bananas he could eat, before heading off to his private lab with a bottle of body lotion.

Ten minutes later a breathless Nayernia returned with a further, but somewhat smaller, sample.