Microsoft to launch Liver-Professional product

As Apple announced that Chief Executive Steve Jobs had installed the world’s first iLiver, Microsoft have moved quickly to announce their own detoxification and protein synthesis product due for release this month.

“We recognise that to thrive in this industry, we must look to quickly copy whatever innovation Apple have come up with, and so we introduce to you, the Liver-Professional!” said Microsoft boss, Steve Ballmer.

“The Liver-professional will meet all of your detoxification needs, though full protein synthesis will not be available until Service Pack 1, expected at Christmas.”

First glance

At first glance the Liver-professional does not look as attractive or user friendly as the iLiver, but Microsoft say this is a small price to pay for a market-leading liver-replacement product.

“Okay, so the menu structure isn’t the easiest to navigate, and it stops working a couple of times a week - requiring a reboot, but it’s not like a fully functioning Liver is a matter of life or death.”

“And don’t forget that Liver-professional comes bundled with sister product, Office-Kidney.”

“Plus, we have created several options for today’s discerning liver user.”

“Liver-Media Edition offers enhanced detoxification services, but little glycogen storage or plasma protein synthesis.”

“If detoxification is less important to you, but hormone production is high on your day-to-day priority list, then Liver-Home Edition is the product for you.”

Virus Attack

As the launch came to a close the questions moved towards the likelihood of the Liver-professional being the subject of concerted virus attack.

‘This is a possibility, but thankfully everyone is now used to a regime where they are committed to a lifetime of antiviral consumption and extreme application monitoring vigilance.”

“Should a virus attack occur, we commit to releasing a patch within 6-8 weeks, as per our Service Level Agreement.”

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