When will there be a controller I can have sex with, ask gamers

At the E3 games show in Los Angeles, both Microsoft and Sony have shown off new control systems which aim to make gaming more accessible, despite gamers merely wanting to know when there will be a controller they can have sex with.

Microsoft’s Project Natal stunned audiences by showing that you don’t even need to hold a controller to access a game, allowing two-handed masturbation during the “really exciting bits”.

Yet demonstrations of Project Natal showing conversations with virtual school children and running your hand through water, have left many gamers wondering how they will ever achieve an erection during play.

One hard-core gamer from Nottingham said, “I see how hands-free gaming might create a more immersible gaming experience, but I fail to see how this controller will suck me off?”

Nintendo

Not to be outdone, market leader Nintendo released its ‘Vitality sensor’ which will monitor your physiological biometrics during game play.

However, when the vitality sensor was shown to male teenage consumers the overwhelming response was, “Can I put my cock in it?”

Games reviewers have said that although the improvements are impressive, they simply do not go far enough for today’s discerning game player.

“If they can invent a controller that allows a gamer to have a fulfilling sexual relationship with his console, they might never need to leave the house ever again.”

“And I think that is probably best for everyone.”

VICTORIA PENDLETON GIVES BACK

ARTICLES & NEWS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED

Water found on Moon
And it is already significantly better than found in Spanish hotels

Dubai Financial Collapse
Lidl to open first Dubai supermarket for destitute Arabs

New EU Presidency
I never wanted the job anyway, Blair tells everyone

PLACES TO GET YOUR NEWSARSE FIX

When will there be a controller I can have sex with, ask gamers

NewsARSE © 2008-2010