UK spoof news and satire
NEWSARSE ARCHIVES
Authors
Page added on June 4, 2009
NewsARSE has exclusively obtained a copy of the email currently circulating among Labour backbenchers, imploring Prime Minister Gordon Brown to stand down.
“Dear Gordon,”
“Over the course of your ten years as the New Labour Chancellor you systematically destroyed our gold reserves, increased debt to unheard-of levels, taxed Middle England into penury and presided over the complete collapse of pension funds.”
“As Tony Blair’s most hated trusted lieutenant, you assisted in the invasion of Iraq, the destruction of the NHS, the diminution of Civil Liberties to a level commensurate with that of Stalin’s Russia, the demolition of education, the politicisation of the Police and the inculcation of a Benefits culture that will take generations to remove.”
“For all these things, and for the innumerable other contributions you have made to NuLieBore’s Grand Plan to fuck up Britain beyond all repair, you have our gratitude.”
“However, we are writing now because we believe that in the current political situation, we’re fucked come what may - but our best chance of getting our grasping socialist mitts on Cabinet salaries again within our lifetimes is if we get rid of you.”
“That way, within a couple of terms the Proles will have put all the blame on you, and conveniently forget that we’re all venal, mendacious, corrupt, totalitarian troughers just like you.”
“Besides, Alan Johnson says it’s his turn to play in the chair now, and if we play nice he’ll make the expenses flow again.”
“Give it up, and there might be a nice peerage in it for you.”
“Love and kisses, The Backbenchers”
“PS. Hazel sends her love, but says she wants to be Home Sec when the next PM reshuffles.”
ARTICLES & NEWS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED
Water found on Moon
And it is already significantly better than found in Spanish hotels
Dubai Financial Collapse
Lidl to open first Dubai supermarket for destitute Arabs
New EU Presidency
I never wanted the job anyway, Blair tells everyone
RELATED STORIES
LATEST NEWS HEADLINES
ALSO IN THE NEWS
We could tell you, but then we’d have to kill you, say MODThe Ministry of Defence has been accused of giving “misleading” answers to MPs scrutinising its budget after it told the committee that it could tell them where the money went, but then it would have to kill them.
MORE STORIES
Sugababes urged to resolve name dispute like women, in the ringHAVE YOUR SAY
Are Man City going too far offering £50m for the Geordie fan base?THE LIB DEMS : DOES ANYONE KNOW ANYTHING?
Is knowing they are the yellow ones really enough?OK, THESE MIGHT NOT BE HEADLINES ANY MORE