‘Miracle’ face of Jesus discovered in old painting of Jesus

By Andy Stephenson

Christian religious leaders across the world have reacted with piety at the news that the face of Jesus Christ himself has been discovered in a painting, of Jesus.

The miraculous discovery is being hailed as proof that He not only exists, but is also watching over a small room in the Louvre gallery in Paris.

The amazing story began yesterday when a London builder saw the face of Jesus in an advert for the Louvre, part of an article in The Sun called ‘10 more reasons to avoid France’.

Stunned

Stunned by the uncanny resemblance, he took his paper to the local Church where a priest confirmed it was indeed a true likeness to the son of God Himself.

The newly discovered face of Jesus was staring out at the Flemish Paintings Room from Jacob Jordaens’ masterpiece ‘Jesus Driving the Merchants from the Temple’.

A Church spokesman told waiting reporters, “This is a miracle, and we are blessed that He has seen fit to grace us with His likeness, in a painting of Jesus.”

“Which is significantly more convenient than doing so in perishable goods, like he normally does.”

Analysis

Independent analysts later confirmed that as the painting showed a white man with a brown beard it must surely be Jesus, because that’s obviously exactly what Jesus looked like.

This stunning discovery has led at least one scientist to renounce academia in favour of religion, “I realised all my work was for nothing.” he said.

“This face of Jesus appearing in a painting has shown me that anything based upon Darwin’s fundamental tenets of evolution and natural selection have to be wrong.”

Whilst millions of believers plan pilgrimages to the site, many atheists have been quick to dismiss the Jesus likeness as a completely random naturally-occurring anomaly.

Leading atheist Richard Dawkins said, “If He really wanted to prove He existed He wouldn’t put his face on something easy like a painting.”

“He would use all of his omnipotence to put his face inside the lid of a marmite jar, or on my toast. Somewhere so I would definitely see it whilst having breakfast, anyway.”