Angels and Demons almost exactly as bad as The DaVinci Code

By Ben Day

The much-anticipated follow up to The DaVinci Code, ‘Angels and Demons’ has somehow made it to the top of the UK box office - despite most cinema-goers proclaiming it to be almost exactly as bad as the first film.

This represents a significant victory for the studio, as follow up movies rarely meet the standards of the first, but in this case it even surpasses DaVinci in its complete and utter shittiness.

Vatican officials, whose strong opposition to the film did absolutely nothing for its publicity campaign, have described the film’s success as “a proper fucking miracle”.

Many early viewers have been left disappointed after expecting at least some elements of the book’s plot line to be included in the four-hour epic.

At a press conference in Cannes, Director Ron Howard explained that there simply wasn’t time for the original storyline to be built into the plot, and that the use of the book’s title was “not all that misleading really, if you think about it.”

“At least we didn’t let that tit JJ Abrams have a go. He’d be directing the traffic on the M25 if we let him. The movie-directing man whore.”

Criticism

Howard, who has also received harsh criticism for his interpretation of the DaVinci Code, defended the film’s complete lack of interesting bits.

He said, “At least more happens in this one than the last one.”

The film’s cast have also received harsh reviews from critics who have described Tom Hanks’ performance as like “watching a code breaking Forrest Gump” and, “so wooden I left with cinema with splinters in my arse.”