We need better sex eduation, says every Sun reader

Every single Sun reader has been left stunned after Alfie Patten, the boy who was reported to have conceived a child when he was 12 years old, was proved not to be the baby’s father.

DNA tests have shown that the father is in fact another boy, of 15, who managed to get into the knickers of his 15 year-old trollop of a girlfriend.

The news has been greeted by calls to improve basic sex education for every reader of the Sun newspaper after many genuinely believed the pre-pubescent 12 year-old Patten was capable of fathering a child.

Shocking

“This highlights the shocking state of our education system,” said one MP, seeking to divert attention from his expenses claims.

“Firstly that people would buy the Sun for believing they would be learning about current affairs,”

“But most of all that people believe a child completely bereft of any adult physiological features is capable of sexual reproduction.”

“I can almost understand a child not getting it. But millions of grown adults? Jesus fucking wept.”

Distress

Patten is said to be distraught at the news, as he had earmarked this months child benefit for football stickers and the new Xbox 360 game, X-Men Origins - Wolverine.

“This is terrible, terrible news,” said Patten.

“It’s going to take me absolutely ages to save enough pocket money now.”

SEA, SUN & FUN

ARTICLES & NEWS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED

Water found on Moon
And it is already significantly better than found in Spanish hotels

Dubai Financial Collapse
Lidl to open first Dubai supermarket for destitute Arabs

New EU Presidency
I never wanted the job anyway, Blair tells everyone

PLACES TO GET YOUR NEWSARSE FIX

We need better sex eduation, says every Sun reader

NewsARSE © 2008-2010