UK spoof news and satire
NEWSARSE ARCHIVES
Authors
Page added on April 20, 2009
A 28 year-old London woman has woken briefly from her 12 year coma to request that her carers “Change that fucking record, please!”
Mary Smithers was hit by a bus in freak accident in 1996 and entered a comatose state almost immediately.
Since that point, she has shown very little sign of recovery, though her medical status is officially ‘stable’.
At the time of her accident Ms Smithers was a huge Celine Dion fan, and at her mother’s insistence the Album “Falling Into You” has been played to her every day, all day, since her accident.
“We hoped a familiar and much loved album would help bring her back to us. You hear such stories all the time,” said Ms Smither’s mother.
Change
However, nurses were surprised by a momentary awakening during which Ms Smithers made just one request.
“She sat bolt upright for about twenty seconds and screamed, ‘Change the album, or pull the fucking plug. Please!’ then she went back to sleep.” said a hospital spokesman.
The case has given hope to relatives of coma victims the world over.
“This proves that they can wake up, however briefly, if they really really want to,” continued her mother.
“So now were’ playing Celine Dion’s 1997 smash hit, Let’s Talk About Love.”
“If that won’t wake her, nothing will.”
ARTICLES & NEWS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED
Water found on Moon
And it is already significantly better than found in Spanish hotels
Dubai Financial Collapse
Lidl to open first Dubai supermarket for destitute Arabs
New EU Presidency
I never wanted the job anyway, Blair tells everyone
PLACES TO GET YOUR NEWSARSE FIX
![]() |
![]() |
|
|
RELATED STORIES
LATEST NEWS HEADLINES
ALSO IN THE NEWS
BP’s Tony Hayward seeking new scapegoat opportunitiesProfessional scapegoat and current BP chief executive Tony Hayward is expected to stand down this week, and is said to be looking for new opportunities to which he can bring his own unique brand of scapegoat expertise.
MORE STORIES
Queen barred from BNP garden partyHAVE YOUR SAY
Is Man Utd goal scorer Own Goal really worth £85m to Real Madrid?HOMEOPATHY FINALLY PROVEN TO WORK
“This is the proof that that everyone is asking for. They took the sleeping pills, and just a day and half later they simply could not stay awake any longer.”OK, THESE MIGHT NOT BE HEADLINES ANY MORE