UK spoof news and satire
NEWSARSE ARCHIVES
Authors
Page added on April 15, 2009
A French cruise liner carrying over a thousand French holiday makers around the Caribbean has surrendered to Somali pirates on the other side of the world.
The pirates, whose numbers are thought to be as high as six, took a rowing boat to Mogadishu harbour before emailing a surrender demand to the captain of the ocean-going liner.
“We were left with little option,” said the French Captain speaking by satellite phone eight miles from Barbados.
“They said that if we didn’t surrender, they would be forced to circumnavigate the globe by rowing boat, and that there would then be hell to pay if they did.”
Military involvement
Offers of military assistance have not been forthcoming, and the Captain of the ship is unwilling to ask for help in case it triggers reprisals from the pirates.
“We don’t want to anger them. There could be as many as six of them, and there are only a thousand of us, almost half of which are women.”
“It is much safer to simply give in to their demands.”
“We have already begun gathering the passengers valuables which the pirates have asked us to post directly to them in Somalia.”
French authorities are hoping that by following the pirates’ demands, permission will be given to allow passengers to leave the vessel in the next forty-eight hours.
ARTICLES & NEWS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED
Water found on Moon
And it is already significantly better than found in Spanish hotels
Dubai Financial Collapse
Lidl to open first Dubai supermarket for destitute Arabs
New EU Presidency
I never wanted the job anyway, Blair tells everyone
PLACES TO GET YOUR NEWSARSE FIX
![]() |
![]() |
|
|
RELATED STORIES
LATEST NEWS HEADLINES
ALSO IN THE NEWS
BP’s Tony Hayward seeking new scapegoat opportunitiesProfessional scapegoat and current BP chief executive Tony Hayward is expected to stand down this week, and is said to be looking for new opportunities to which he can bring his own unique brand of scapegoat expertise.
MORE STORIES
Queen barred from BNP garden partyHAVE YOUR SAY
Is Man Utd goal scorer Own Goal really worth £85m to Real Madrid?HOMEOPATHY FINALLY PROVEN TO WORK
“This is the proof that that everyone is asking for. They took the sleeping pills, and just a day and half later they simply could not stay awake any longer.”OK, THESE MIGHT NOT BE HEADLINES ANY MORE